Forever Hopeless

was this all a mistake

  "Michael?" It was michael who was standing in the doorway. He shook his head and turned around and started to walk away. "Michael wait!" I jumped up and followed him. I grabbed his shoulder and turned him around only to find he had tears streaming down his face. "What's wrong?"
  He turned away from me so he wouldn't have to say anything.
  "Michael!"
  "What Sam!" He was yelling. I have to admit I was a little frightened by him raising his voice.
  "I-i...why are you crying?" His face softened and he started to look sad again instead of mad.
  "Did those kisses mean nothing to you!" Was he talking about with ashton?
  "Michael calm do-"
  "No I am calm!" He snapped. "Did you even care!" I realized he was asking about when I kissed him.
  "Michael those were a mistake." His eyes widened and his eyes filled with tears. I reached up to touch his cheek but he hit my hand away.
  "So I guess stopping you from killing yourself was a mistake too?!" He was now shouting in my face.
  "No-" I was talking quietly because I felt vonurable at the moment.
  "Well I guess it is because I should have let you die!" Suddenly it felt like I couldn't breath. I felt like my whole body just...stooped working. However tears rushed to my eyes and started to pour out. My heart hurt from his words. I shook my head and covered my face. Michael though, realizing what he had said grabbed my shoulders and started to say he was sorry. But i shook him off and ran away. He was right, I should have died. I didn't deserve to live in this world. Just having me in someone's life made everyone miserable. I was running toward the door but I ran into Ashton.
  "Sam! Calm down I know what he said. He didn't mean that."
  "Yes he did! Nobody wants me! I ruin everything. Michael is right, I should die. I pushed past him and ran to my room where I found the knife still in my bag. Then I ran out and down to the lobby where I looked around. Then I ran outside and ran as fast as I could down the street to wherever. I panicked and ran into an ally way. Without hesitation I took the knife to my wrist and cut a deep cut that began to pour crimson blood. I did it again and again and the same on the other arm. When I realized this wouldn't do anything, I cut deeper. Once I did, I felt my head get dizzy. Everything was getting darker and I couldn't hold the knife any longer. The knife fell to the ground and so did I. I now couldn't see anything anymore but I could hear a faint noise. It was someone calling my name. All I remember next was feeling someone pick me up.
***
My eyes blinked open and found myself in my hotel room. Ashton was sleeping halfway on the bed and, halfway on a chair. I sat up but got dizzy so I laid back down. I reached out to wake Ashton  up and found both of my arms wrapped in bandages. I had forgotten what happened but quickly remembered what happened, what Michael said, and what i did. He was right. I should have died that day...but i didnt. I decided i didnt want to be here anymore so i stood up but instantly and fell to the floor waking Ashton up as i did. 

  "Hey sam...you should sit down." He picked me up and set me back on the bed then sat down next to me then took my hands and set them in his. 

  "Are you alright?" He asked referring to what happened last night. I shook my head and felt tears fill my eyes. 

  "No...nobody cares anymore. Nobody wants me!" He grabbed me and took me in for a hug.

    "Sam you know thats not true. I want you, Luke cares, your brother cares." I pushed him away from me so he couldnt hug me anymore. As he thought of more people who 'cared', i realized that i only have three people who might care. 

  "It is true! Ashton Michael was right. I should have died that night!" 

  "Samantha Emile Hood why would you think that?" He still had his hands on my shoulders to keep me from getting up. 

  "My parents didn't want me...You heard what Michael said Calum dosn-."

  "Your parents wanted yo-" I shook his hands off of me. 

  "No they didn't! Ashton I was like...seven years old and i walked downstairs and heard them fighting. My mom said something about us not having enough to eat then my dad started yelling at her and said that it was because they had me. Me! he said they should have had an abortion or put me up for adoption!" At this point tears were rolling down my face like a waterfall that would never run dry. 

  "Hey, hey it will be ok. Hey i still care for you. Calum does." Hearing Calum's name reminded me of what he said. That i would get hurt. And ya ashton was all sweet and everything...but he did walk away when i made a mistake. 

  "You didn't make it seem like you cared." I said quietly hoping ashton didn't hear. 

  "Why would you say that?"

  "Do you remember when i was at the hospital? You weren't there when i was hoping you would come. You didnt come over to see Calum or the other boys so you would be away from me. At the party you walked away from me and you didnt give me a chanct to explain myself. Ashton you walked away when i needed someone." I looked up and  saw tears starting to well up in his eyes.

  "Ashton why are you crying"? He reached up and wiped his eyes than hesitated before talking. 

  "Because...you don't really know all what happened that night of the crash."