Forever Hopeless

Amnesia

Hey so I like... didn't finish that last chapter... oops... well I fixed it so you can go back and read it if you want...:)

After a few days in he hospital, we were aloud to take Sam out. We took her back to the hotel, even though we would be leaving in a day or so to go back home. When we got there it was still a mess from us leaving to the hospital, because none of us left Sam's side the whole time. I watched her face as we walked in. It's like she thought she knew the place but , completely lost. We led her to her room and she looked around, again, lost to where she was.

"Can-can i be alone for a little bit guys?" She asked nervously. Leave her alone? No way, not after what happened. I watched Calum nod and the boys start to walk out, while i stayed standing in the room. Luke grabbed my shoulder and gave me a tug saying let's go. I hesitated for a moment before turning around and leaving Sam alone again.

***Sam's pov***

When the boys left i sat down on the bed that was covered in cloths and bags. I looked around at the room, confused and sad. I feel so lost, to everything. I didn't know who i was with, where i was. It's pretty scary when you wake up and don't remember anything that happened before.

I wanted my memory back. I didn't want to feel so lost. And i want to know what that guy, with an A, i want to know why he was so upset.

I began to look around at the stuff that was on the bed. Was this my stuff? I picked up a bag and started to look through it. I stuck my arm inside and my sleeve got pulled up. That is when i noticed there was something on my arm. I pulled my sleeve up which revealed scars. All over my arm. Some that looked new, and some that looked old. I did this to myself? Why? I pulled my sleeve back down and returned back to the bag.

I ran my hand along the bottom of it then yelped when something small and cold ran across my hand, drawing blood. I took my hand out quickly and looked at the fresh cut. I wiped it off then dug my hand back into the bag to get what cut me. I pulled it out and studied the small thin blade between my fingers.

Did i use this? I kep looking at t till i felt a pulling at my stomach. I suddenly felt like i needed something. I looked at the blade and realized what i wanted. I slowly rolled up my sleeve and held the blade tight between my fingers. Should i do this?

I took the blade to my arm and began to shake. Maybe i shouldn't... I closed my eyes and let the blade roll across my arm, leaving a trail of blood behind it. I opened my eyes and watched the blood start to run down my arm. Somehow, i felt better. I sighed and ran it across my arm again. I repeated this four or five more times before i stopped. I found a towel and wiped my arms off then looked around for a new shirt since this one now had blood on it.

I found a black tank top and put that on, but the guys would see what i did. I looked around again and spotted something laying on the ground. I walked over to it and picked it up. It was red flannel. I carefully put it on because my arm was sore now. I looked down at my blue jeans and saw that it didn't match what i was wearing so i found some black skinny jeans and put those on.

I walked out of the room then spotted that one guy...uh-Ashton, on the couch. He looked up at me then i saw his dim sad eyes, light up with joy. He smiled a gorgeous smile then stood up.

"You're wearing my flannel." Oh, this is his? I started to take it off but he stopped me.

"Oh no Sam its alright you can wear it." Good because i kind of need it. I nodded and put it back on my shoulders.

"Here come sit." He went back and sat down on the couch then patted the spot next to him. I went and sat down but didn't get to comfortable. I could feel the tension in the air, like he wanted to say something but wasn't saying it.

"What was it like?" I asked out of nowhere which got me a strange look from him.

"Was what like?"

"My life, what was i like, you guys." I watched as his happiness disappeared.

"Oh..um, well, do you really want to know?" I nodded my head which made Ashton look even more scared. He went to grab my hands but hen he stopped. I saw his eyes fill with tears and his hands started to shake. He retracted his hands then placed them on his lap before looking at me.
"Well-" I reached out and took his hand making him stop and look down. He looked scarred and surprised which made me laugh.
"I'm just holding your hand, what were you going to say." I said with a smile in my lips. He nodded his head and continued to speak.
"Well, so...your, parents, they um...they...died." Dead? My parents are dead? Well its a good thing I didn't know them, or remember knowing them, or I would probably be crying.
"And well, you took that pretty hard. Plus there was this guy named shot...I think...ya, and he like...bullied you." While he talked I noticed he squeezed my hand when he said his name. Its like the thought brought back bad memories...memories...
"Well then you um...you uh..." He stopped talking and looked down at my arms. He cleared his throat and seemed to get uncomfortable.
"I will um...I'll tell you later."
***Ashton's POV***
I couldn't tell her. Actually I couldn't tell her anything. The things in her past is what made her hurt herself. So if she didn't know about that stuff, she wouldn't hurt herself. I stood up and walked away, leaving Sam alone to her thoughts.