Forever Hopeless

Love and Pain's a Game

Calum calmed down faster then me and he called the boys over to help cheer him up. They all came over as soon as they heard the news. I sat in my window seal and saw the boys pull up in the driveway. I could hear them walk in and say sorry to calum. Luke looked around.

  "Where's Sam?" He asked

  "She's up in her room. She won't come down since I told her." Cal replied. Ashton came  upstairs and knocked on my door.

  "Can I come in?" I didn't say anything and he opened the door. "Are you ok?" I looked at him and shook my head while I began to cry again. He walked over to me and sat down. He put his arms around me while I leaned into his chest and cried harder. "Don't worry I'm here. It will be alright. Will you come downstairs?"

  I shook my head no then felt arms on my back and under my legs. Ashton stood up with me in his arms. He walked down stairs with my face still buried in his chest.  Calum was sitting on the couch with the others around him. Luke got up and came over to us and stroked my head.

  "I...am so sorry guys." Luke said looking at both of us. I cried more when he said that because the feeling of him comforting me made it hurt more. Ashton sat me down on the couch and sat next to me. Calum came over and hugged me while crying. We sat there in each others arms for a long time. He is the only one I have now.

  A week later after getting the news we heard that they weren't just dead...they had been murdered. Ever since that night I haven't slept. I keep finding myself walking around the house and I always stop at the kitchen in front of the knife drawer. I stop and think if I wasn't in this world my pain would go away. But I care about cal too much to do that to him.

  It was midnight and I was wide awake. I got out from under my covers and got up. I walked down the hall to cals room. I peeked in and saw him sleeping. So I turned around and walked down the stairs. The floor was cold and everywhere I stepped the boards creaked. As I stepped into the kitchen I looked over at the drawer where the knives sat. My mind raced with all my losses, and mistakes. My heart began to pound as I inched closer. I almost couldn't breath I was so scared. I gripped the handle and opened the drawer. My hand reached down and picked a knife up. I held it in front of me examining the sharp blade. I ran my finger across the blade to see if it was sharp. And...it was. As I held the knife I began to cry. I was thinking about how much of a disappointment I am. I fell to my knees as I gripped the knife harder. I shook as I held the blade closer to my hand. I began to press the blade against my skin when I suddenly felt hands gripping my wrists and pulling me back. I quickly turned around and saw Ashtons terrified face look into mine. He grabbed the knife and pushed it away from me.

  "Sam what are you doing?!" He still gripped my wrists in fear and anger.

  "Nobody needs me here in this life!" I managed to get out over all of my crying.

  "Sam that's not true!"

  "Then who does!?!"

It was quiet for a moment then he began to  speak again.

  "Sam...Calum needs you... I need you...without you I don't know what I would do." I wasn't sure what he meant by that but I didn't care. He let me go and I threw my arms around him while I still sobbed. We stood up and walked over to the couch, where ashton was when I came downstairs. We sat down and I began to feel tired. I hadnt sleept for the past week so I was very tired. I yawned and me and on Ashton who was laying back. Slowly my eyes closed as I drifted off to sleep.