Forever Hopeless

what the truth brings

(listen to Heroine by Sleeoing With Sirens for this chapter)

I looked at Ashton as my heart raced. I was terrified. What happened that I didn't know about? He wasnt saying anything which was making me even more nervous.
"A-ashton what happened?" I asked quietly still scared of his answer. He looked upp into my eyes then let go of my hands i didnt know he was holding.

"There is a reason i was avoiding you after the accident." He said quietly, scaring me even more.

"O-Okay...why?" He swollowed then glanced at my wrists. He took a deep breath and so did i for i was getting more nervoud as the seconds ticked by.

"When i asked you out onto that date, i was super nervous. I had liked you for a long time...and i had just got the guts to finally ask you out. And when you said yes i was beyond happy. So i went home and got ready...i wasnt sure what to wear to i put on the nicest thing i had. Then i came over and saw the door was open. I opened it and saw you...with michael...and i-i..." I put my hand up to his chest because i could tell he was becoming overwelmed.

"Hey...its ok...calm down." I said with a half smile. He nodded and continued his story.

"Well...i literly felt my heart breaking. And i didnt know what to do...so i went to the nearest bar and started to drink way more than i should have." So..he was drunk and sad... so what? "I-I took a girl home with me Sam..." My eyes darted up to his as my mind started to race.

"You didnt." I said my voice getting shaky.

"Sam im so sorry i-i was drunk and-"

"Keep going unless you are done." I sanpped and watched his eyes fill with hurt and pain. He swollowed again and kept going.

"Well after i realized what i was doing i stopped her and i left. I was still drunk and i was driving too fast and...Sam im so sorry i-i-"

"What are you sorry for?!" I demanded because he was kindof beating around the bush.

"Sam...i hit you with my car." I felt my eyes well up with tears and my breaths start to get heavier. "I was the one who brought you to the hospitol..." He looked up at me but then looked back down. "Sam thats why i was avoiding you. I was scared." I hadnt said anything for a minuite because i had too much running through my head. All i could do was shake my head. He couldnt have done that. Ashton couldnt have gotten drunk, fucked a girl and run me over all in one night. He was lying. He wouldnt hurt me like that. He would have stopped himself before even thinking about taking a girl home. He touched my arm but i jerked it away. I had tears streaming down my face now.

"No! Dont touch me!" He looked frightened at my voice.

"Sam i need you to-"

"No Ashton!" I screamed. "You wouldnt do that to me!" He tried to come closer to me but I jumped up and walked to the door.

"Sam dont do anything stupid..." I stopped at the door before opening it and thought pf what iwould say.

"Too late Ashton." I opened the door and ran into the bathroom. I heard Ashton follow me so i locked the door and started to run the bathwater. I heard a bang on the door and i ignored it by screaming.

"No Ashton you aren't going to save me again!" I looked in the mirror and felt a wave of disgust rush over me. I unraveled the bandages on my arms and looked at the deep scars that werent healed yet. I let tears fall onto my arms befor falling to the floor myself feeling defeated. There was more banging on the door but not just by ashton..I heard others. I crawled over to the toilet and looked inside. I felt disgusted with myself so i stuck my hand down my throat till i threw up. I sat on the floor thinking about what ashton said. Calum was right, Michael was right, Shot was right. Everyoe was right. Except me. I started to cry because i wasnt sure what to do. I was scared. Scared of myself. I was so buisy crrying that i didnt notice the water spilling of the side of the tub. I pulled my knees up to my chest and began to rock.

Suddenly the door burst open and all of the boys rushed in. Ashton touched me but i jerked him away and let my arms drape over lukes broad shoulders. He pulled me up and we went into my room. Everyone sat on my bed except Ashton, who was standing in the corner. I still was crying and all I wanted was to have someone who hadn't hurt me.