Unrequited | SB19 Stell [SB19 Series #3]

11

Mhai's POV

Life was not happening according to what I'd planned. Josh had known about my secret! For years!

Thankfully, Josh had stayed silent about my unrequited crush, and he had enough sense to keep my feelings a secret from his friends.

But the fact still remains. He had known.

Ugh! Kairita!

"It's fine. Your secret is safe with me," Josh assured me after my rather distressing chat with him the previous night. Josh must think that I was pathetic. I was yearning for a guy who was yearning for a girl- and it's not me!

Alam nga ng Josh ang lahat.

"I think you're brave, Mhai," Josh told me. It was lunchtime. Josh and I were done eating, and we were on the far side of the room, pretending to play a mobile game. Well, I was pretending. Josh was actually playing Mobile Legends.

"You think I'm brave, not pathetic?" I clarified. I, for one, think that there was nothing brave about hiding one's feelings, especially mine that I've kept hidden since I was thirteen.

"You're still Stell's friend. You still support him with Angel. It must have been so painful for you, hearing him gush about another woman when you wanted to be with him so bad."

"You're surprisingly accurate about all this," I commented.

"I have always been interested in Psychology, and I have been studying it," Josh shared as his phone screamed, "Legendary!" "Since I could not afford it, I did my part by reading books on the Internet. And I have always been observant. I knew you tried so hard to cover up your feelings. But the more you tried to hide it, the more it showed."

I could only stare at Josh.

"I could see it- the longing, the desperation in your eyes. You kept on stealing glances at Stell during competitions or when we hung out. It got worse during training. I could see the hurt whenever Stell would talk about Angel. But then, I also saw how you tried so hard to control yourself. You acted happy and supportive. But your eyes still betrayed you."

"I should gouge out my eyes then," I declared.

Josh laughed loudly. For some reason, I looked up, and my eyes met Lester's. He was looking at Josh and me acting all chummy in the corner. His brows furrowed.

"Tingnan mo si Stell oh. Parang nagseselos," Josh whispered to my ear.

I smacked him. "Stop that," I said.

"So, ano na gagawin mo, Mhai?"

"Nothing. I'm doing nothing."

"Will you remain as a friend? Won't you tell him about what you feel?"

"And what?" I asked Josh. "Get myself hurt?"

"You're already hurt. Might as well tell him that you love him," Josh pointed out.

I scoffed. "No. I'm not doing that. He's so in love with Angel. It's way too obvious that he's going to pick her. He's planning an extravagant proposal, Josh. For her! Not for me. There's no way that I can compete with Angel. Not in this lifetime."

Josh mulled over what I said. He placed his phone on the floor and looked at me. "So you're just going to give up?"

"Yes," I replied wearily.

"I thought you were a fighter, Mhai."

"Why bother? I'm going to lose anyway," I bitterly replied.

What was the point? What was the point of fighting and risking our friendship when in the end, I knew that he was never going to choose me?