From Here On Out

24

Emmy paced the empty study room of their residence hall. Her phone sat in her hand, waiting to be used. She walked circles around the table, around and around hoping the motion would raise her courage.

There was no one else in the room. Just her, the baby, and her cell phone. The room held a table, a whiteboard, and a printer. At this point, she'd probably walked a mile around the plastic tabletop.

She had to let them know, and she had decided to move to this study room so that no one would interrupt. Problem was, as empty as the room was, she still felt the same all consuming fear.

They're gonna rip me apart.
What if they cut me off?
Moms never gonna talk to me again.

These were the three thoughts circulating her head as she circled the room. She tried to picture how the conversation would go, and every time the results scared her even more. No imagery crafted in her head contained a happy ending.

Daveed had offered to stay with her, they had just came from the appointment that morning. He had walked her to the dorm and used every method of persuasion to let him help her. She ultimately refused his help, although now, some support would probably be nice.

Her eyes glared at the dark screen of the phone. Dial the number. Tell them. That's all she had to do. Her hands began to shake as more and more anxiety crept in.

She took a seat in one of the chairs of the table. She cradled the base of her belly that was still barely there. After the ultrasound, she felt so much more connected to the baby. It was really real, and it was hers. Everyday she felt more and more like a mom to the little being. Every touch to her belly was one of comfort, for both her and the baby.

Emmy took her finger and slid up the screen to open her phone. "C'mon Emmy," she attempted to hype herself up. She maneuvered to the contacts app. Finally, she hit the number for 'Mom'.

The phone rang. Once, then twice. Then, it clicked, her mom's cheerful voice came booming from the other side.

"Hey Emmy! How are you?" she asked.

"Good, how are you?" Emmy asked, trying to sound just as cheerful, though she was sure it was likely sounding as fake as it felt.

"I'm good, great now that you called. I'm just watering some plants," Mrs. Lampman spoke.

A sinking feeling made her stomach drop now that it was clear her mom was in a really good mood. She would hate put a damper on her day that sounded like it was beginning so good.

"Hey, mom," she said, taking a deep breath, finally ready to bite the bullet, "Is dad around?"

"Yeah, honey, he's right here," she replied, "What's up?"

"I need to tell you something, both of you," Emmy spit out.

"Oh um," Emmy could hear her mom's worry through her tone, "What is it sweetie?"

"I'm- umm," she took a long pause between her words, "I'm pregnant," her heart raced as she said the word. It was out there. She had told them, her big secret was let out of the bag.

The line was quiet for a moment. She could hear some incoherent mumbling. "Emmy, what? how? what do you mean?" her mom asked. That cheerful tone was gone and she could sense the confusion and surprise.

"Daveed and I... we're having a baby," Emmy responded. Though her sentence, her voice was breaking, a combination of fright and unbelief that she was telling her parents this.

"Daveed?" Mrs. Lampman asked in complete shock, "Where did he come in? I thought- I thought you two-"

Fuck, Emmy paused at the realization that she had left that part out. She hadn't mentioned that they had been seeing each other or even the fact that they had reconnected after so many years. She guessed it just never came up.

"We're together now," she breathed, speaking slowly, attempting to gauge the reactions.

"I didn't even know he went to Marymount," her mom spoke in astonishment, "Why didn't you tell me? I- Last I knew was y'all hadn't talked since he moved. "So y'all don't know how to just date? I got no problems with that, but dammit a child?" Emmy's dad jumped in, his tone a lot louder and holding more anger.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," tears began to prick at her waterline.

"Emmy, I can't believe this. How long have you known? What are you gonna do about school?" Emmy couldn't see her mom's face but she could feel how much pain she had just caused her.

"I found out last week," Emmy sighed deeply, "I was thinking about transferring to an online school back home?"

"I'm so disappointed in you," Mrs. Lampman stated simply. Sobs formed at this sentence and Emmy struggled to keep them quiet. Her heart sank, and her tears fell out like a monsoon. She knew they would be hurt and upset with her, but there was no way to prepare for the feeling of disappointing them.

"This is just unacceptable Emmy," her Dad said, and she could practically picture the look on his face. "We trusted you enough to send you up there. I mean, what were you thinking, Em? This isn't like you."

"I'm sorry," she pleaded through her sobs, "I didn't mean to, I wasn't thinking. I'm sorry."

"Where's Daveed? What's his plan?" her mom asked sharply.

"He's in his room. He's been really good. We- we went to the doctor together this morning." she replied.

"I'm gonna need a little bit for this," her mom breathed, "This is not what I was expecting today," pure disappointment etching her voice. After a couple minutes, she spoke again, "Ok here's what we're gonna do: I need you to figure out all this transfer stuff, find a community school or whatever it is, and we'll be up there to pick you up in a week."

"Ok," Emmy nodded, extremely grateful that they weren't completely turning away from her.

"I'm not happy with you Emmy, at all" her dad took hold of the phone once more, "But we still love you. We'll be there for you, but honey, you have to make better decisions. Especially with a baby. You're so young, but you need to grow up, and fast. You gotta step it up, Emily."

The use of her full name was the final mark to show how displeased with her he was. He never used it, probably not since he started calling her Emmy when she was 3 years old. She knew she had really messed up.

"I will Dad, I promise. I'm really gonna do better, for you guys and for the baby. I made a horrible mistake and I'm so sorry for putting you in this situation," she apologized once more.

"We'll talk to you later Emmy," her mom spoke, "Love you."

Emmy could barely finish her "Love you too" before the line clicked and they hung up.

The second the call was over, those sobs came back, this time loud and heavy. It went better than she expected, but she definitely didn't feel like it went well. She had lost their trust and truly disappointed them, and she didn't know how to repair that.