Dear Hillary

Summer

April 1st, 2015

.

Dear Hillary, 

I don't even know how to recap xD 

Last time we talked I said I was going to stay up for 24 hours xD xD xD I got to 22.5 xD I was so tired by the middle of the day, oh my gosh.

So lately I think I've been a lot happier, but school's been super stressful. But I dont remember the last time I cried oh wait

So Zayn left on the 25th to join some greasy burrito named Naughty Boy. Honestly, I don't know whether to be mad or annoyed or sad. Why leave if you're just gonna go onto the next career?

Ugh anyway I'm done crying about that. Lol that's a lie

So today was April fools day, and I was almost struck dead on the spot when you told me you were leaving Wattpad. You should have seen my face. I guess I had it in my mind that I didn't want to do anything to prank anyone, but I didn't realize other people would anyway xD So I was so ready to try to coax you into doing it for your readers and those who love you, like me, but then you were like 

heh idiot 

and my mom was like 

why are you on the floor 

and i'm like

my emotions are not working. am i relieved? am i mad? am i laughing? yes 

xD One time I tried to convince my best friend I was pregnant because I thought you didn't have to have sex to have a child (i was thinking about getting a fertilized egg inserted surgically into your uterus) but I was like 11. so she 'fell' for it and sent me a picture of her hyperventilating and crying. so i started crying too and freaked out and then she was like

heh idiot

My friends just love to trick me, huh? xD xD The picture had been from a year previous and she was obviously smarter than me xD 

so me and my friend who both acknowledge the fact we're ugly and fat committed to motivating each other to become fit this summer and eat healthy and yeah

run even if i can't breathe. walk even if i can't stand. stretch even if I snap. become skinny and fit and have self esteem even if it's impossible, which it might be. 

I've been getting excited for summer so I can get fit and skinny. You know what it really is? It's not so much that i feel uncomfortable under people's gazes, even though I do, but it's that dress in the store that I want so bad but I know it won't fit past my thighs. It's that shirt that will accentuate all the wrong parts of me. it's those stupid pants that don't come high enough to squeeze my muffin top together, you know? I try my best, but I want to do better. 

ugh i just want it to be summer already. 12 weeks left of school :) One more day this week COME ON

I think I have to go now. I finally got an imagine out today after like three weeks xD I'm so terrible

yeah i have to eat and then sleep early so i can sleep more tomorrow so i can survive on friday you know 

ljdgnsdlkgjsdgk; j my back hurts :D 

Mel x 

i'm insane i think