well

16 3 18

by okaybae

by okaybae

November 2, 2015

Dear Hillary,

pretty much dont read this if you hate people complaining about their problems when they live in the best possible life and have everything okay bye

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I really want to cry babe

honestly, i dont even feel like typing this out i dont feel like sitting i just feel like crying until i fall asleep

lately, school has been the hardest thing I've ever had to do. And if the rest of high school is going to be worse? goshdangit now i am crying

so as i cry, let's list some of the reasons i really want to sit on a cliff until it erodes away and takes me with it

-my crush probably actually hates me

-i have the worst grades ive ever had in my life

-i most definitely need surgery if the two antibiotics that are making me incredibly dizzy right now don't work

-i keep disappointing all of my friends and making them think i hate them when i really just cant deal with myself

-and then when they dont invite me to stuff i want to cry but i know that they really don't like me anyway

-my friend probably thinks i want to steal her boyfriend

-teachers across the ocean would probably pick on me for being too quiet like i'm being quiet in a sea of idiots who wont shut up pick on them

-i dont post imagines like i need to be and the number of reads shouldn't matter but the decline from last year is really depressing

-im having frequent panic attacks now because of school and my sister and all the yelling

-i swore the other day pretty much on purpose and nearly do it all the time

-i'm probably the biggest slut in my head

- i make stupid mistakes that are really important to get right

-ive already missed so many days of school that probably one more will get me a letter home and when i feel like this i dont want to even compute a simple thought let alone write them down at school or home

-i hate looking in the mirror

if my parents see me sobbing im dead meat i need to suck it up

honestly whats the point no seriously tell me

i could tell myself but my throat hurts too much to talk

i dont want to write anymore i dont

i dont want to watch my shows anymore i dont want to play video games and i guess thats how i know its bad

i dont want to go to church even though i love my crush and god so much

i dont want to go to college because they wont want me

i dont want to

i dont know

Mel