Dear Hillary

<3

June 4, 2015

.

-this is long holy cow beware x-

Dear Hillary,

It's been so long! I really haven't felt like writing anything anywhere

Plus all of my finals are coming up, so that's not fun.

bUT IM WRITING THIS NOW BC JACOB IS BEGINNING TO MAYBE WORRY ME oh my gosh lets go I have to write it down so I don't forget

So it's been almost a month since I talked to you last, but not much has happened

He still says my name a lot, and I love his smile oh my goshhhhh

But yesterday my friend Mary and I went to my youth group together, and we played capture the flag, and Jacob was there.

So I wasn't on his team, so I was defending the flag the entire time and he was the most motivated and the fastest runner on his team. I haven't run in so long so my legs be hurting run but who cares

So he would always run at Mary and I and she would always get him out and be like 'lol I'm targeting him bc you like him' and that made me happy xD

So we played two games and it was 1-1, so we switched sides (we were in a field lol) and when I was telling myself to make sure I walked past Jacob or hit him with my shoulder or something on accident he walked right towards me and Mary and held up both of his hands and was like 'you guys are great defenders' and Mary missed his high five but I didn't and we both smiled really wide

And I think I almost bit my tongue off after that omg

And then we finished and had Popsicles and the whole time I was trying to get one I could see him staring at me and I started getting really nervous so when Mary and I both got a blue Popsicle and he had a red one and he was standing a few feet away I looked up at him and he was still staring at me and I was like holding back the biggest grin in the whole universe and said 'what?' And he struggled for a second but was like

'You're Jedi. I'm going kill you two' and then like made lightsaber noises and noW IM THINKING ABOUT US WATCHING STAR WARS TOGETHER BC IVE NEVER SEEN THEM OH NO FEELINGs

And after that it was time to go so I left

But this morning -oh my gosh-

I don't even remember what we were talking about in the car ride to seminary but he was being rly cute and smiley and laughing at what I had to say and kengkwnrkdnwkdnfc

AND THEN

He made off hand comments to me throughout the whole class and sknddkncnf

But then we went to get donuts and HOLY CRAP

We were getting out of the car and Shut Up and Dance came on the radio just as we got out and I was like 'crap that was my favorite song' and Jacob heard and was like 'which one?' and I was like 'oh nothing lol'

And then when we went inside, my friend had put tape on my other friends back and I was reading all that she'd written on them and Jacob wanted to too, so I tried to move over but I couldn't so our heads were really close and I couldn't breathe but I guess he poked her or something and she hit him so he jumped and his hand hit my inner thigh and didn't move for a few seconds ?????????? AND THEN HE DIDNT APOLOGIZE OR SAY ANYTHING AND MAYBE HE WAs EMBARRASSED BC I KNOW I WAS BUT BWIFNEKDNFKFNF

and then we got back in the car and Breakeven by the Script was on and he heard the music and immediately was like 'is this your favorite song?' And I was like 'nah, but one of them' why does he want to know my favorite song this is making me too happy sTOP

And then Adele came on and he was like 'do you think a squeak in the voice is attractive' and I was like 'uh oh uh I mean I guess uh' and he was like 'like a little raspy bc' and I was like NEBFKWBDKDNWKDBFK I THINK YOIRE ATTRACTIVE OKAY no but I wanted to say that

So moral of the story is I feel like he either does maybe kind of like me a little? I mean how could he? but still.

Last night it might have just been that he knew Mary bc they both do the play and stuff but today ??

I don't know what to think honestly. I'm sad for when I won't see him everyday in the summer yanno

And I also feel like I wanna tell his sister ??? I've just started to warm up to her, so I might tell her but she might have already figured it out I doNT KNOW HELP

ugh I feel like I'm so stupid for liking someone but it's hard not to. I think it makes me happy so why not try to keep it that way

I'll try to post more

Mel x

p.s. imma look up how to know if a boy likes you ughhh