9/19/21
Yesterday my mom told me to clean my room, I don't know why...but cleaning my room is probably one of the most mentally hardest thing for me to do. I am lazy, a master procrastinator. Though when it comes to cleaning my room, why would I want to clean my room if its going to be messy again? What is the point of trying to re-do something if its just going to keep being ruined?
There isn't any reason, its just stressful. I don't clean my room just because its stressful though. I don't clean it because if I do clean it, it has to be perfect. I have to feel good, like everything is going to be ok when I clean my room, like I have my life together and can do anything. I use to feel like that years ago, but I don't feel like that anymore. I wish I do but I can never achieve that moment where I feel like everything will be alright, that I can do anything. I don't feel like that. So cleaning...organizing my room just honestly feels like a waste of time.
This goes with my drawings to, I won't draw something unless its perfect, I won't draw something unless its amazing and makes me happy. I hate sketches, or any drawing that is terrible looking or half-made. Each piece I make has to be perfect
I do miss that feeling, it was one of the greatest feeling I had. But I don't have that anymore. Sometimes I wish my mom would understand this. But she just assumes I am just lazy. Maybe the feeling might come back one day. But I know it won't come back in a while. So cleaning my room would just mean throwing all my clothes either under my bed or in my drawers.
YOU ARE READING
My secrets that are not really secret.
RandomI was first going to make this for someone special..., so in somewhat they wouldn't be alone when telling their feelings...I don't think they actually needs that from me though...but still I kind of also think this would help me out as well, especia...
