9/20/21
You know, when you see something doing perfectly ok without you. It hurts, it just truly shows that it didn't want you, and never did in the first place. It was fake.
But I am ok, I am ok that it is ok, that it is happy. I wish I made it happy and feel worthful, but nonetheless, I am glad its doing ok, even if it is without me. Selfishness is a terrible feeling, sometimes you have to be selfish and well sometimes being selfish is what is hurting you.
I am being selfish, I am such a hypocrite to...telling it to be "selfish" and that they should take care of themselves and love themselves. When deep down, a selfish, cruel, possessive part of me...doesn't want that, because for it to be selfish, it has to be without me. I hate that part of me, that selfish part of me...
The selfish part of me is angry, angry that it doesn't want me, angry it never needed me to be there, angry I gave a part of my dignity for something so fake... it was all for nothing, it lied about all of it. But I knew, whole time I knew it didn't need me there, I made no difference. But I did it anyway, tried my best because when you care for something you want it to be happy. But the only way it will achieve that, if it has something better then me. It think its selfish though, it couldn't comprehend what it means to be selfish, it so selfless of itself that it degrades itself, I hate seeing that... I wish I could have fixed it but I cannot.
I am ok though, while the selfish part of me wants it all, I am just glad its doing ok and hope it does find something better for itself.
YOU ARE READING
My secrets that are not really secret.
RandomI was first going to make this for someone special..., so in somewhat they wouldn't be alone when telling their feelings...I don't think they actually needs that from me though...but still I kind of also think this would help me out as well, especia...
