My secrets that are not really secret.

Parasite[TRIGGER WARNING]

11/4/21

I am upset yes, lost all my friends. I did it on purpose, it was honestly easy to. Barely had to say nothing...all i had to do was show no emotions in my responses and tell them the truth.

And they went nuts, and banded together to tell me to leave.

Just like I wanted, now finally, I can leave from them...without having to worry about them missing me.

But it does kind of hurt, the fact that never really wanted me around in the first place. I mean I kind of already knew deep down they were getting bored of me, annoyed of me. I just didn't want to admit it cause that would hurt so...so much. But now I truly know what they see me as. They see me as this manipulate cold bitch, and if thats all they see thats all I will be. I just want them happy, and I don't want to be the third wheel in their life. I don't want to be a burden, a parasite.

cause atleast as that type of person, they will be happy without me. Atleast they will finally not have me as a burden. And they were happy, I could tell, very happy to tell me to fuck off and leave. Yes I am upset that this whole time i was really just a burden to them, but I am happy that I will no longer be an annoying parasite to them.

And for me, I didn't want to leave them. Honestly, I loved the stuff we do, and wanna talk about my own emotional issues. but they didn't enjoy it and i didn't want to put more stress on them for my own issues and wants. Of course I am sad that they always never wanted me around, that they always found me a bitch, I think I am a bitch to...but Its not a surprised to me...they are happy. finally truly happy, and all they needed for them to be happy was for me to be gone. I am happy that they are happy. 

I always see on the t.v shows. people who leave suicide notes always apologizing for shit they done and how they be better off without them etc...honestly i could never understand why they did that. If you want the person to be happy without you. Why would you make them a sad note making them sad that your leaving?

If you want someone to be happy without you, make them hate you. that way you know your not needed and they don't want you anymore, don't guilt trip people and say a bunch of sad shit if yur gonna kill yourself.

I don't condone suicide nor am I gonna participate in it. I am just saying.