My secrets that are not really secret.

Forget

9/23/21

I like to forget stuff sometimes, its a way for me to not feel any pain. Its one of my ways of escaping life. My grades are dropping, I know why they are dropping. Its because I just didn't feel like doing them...but I finished them all today. Because tomorrow is the due date for my work. My mom yelled at me cause I lied to her the past 2 weeks about getting them done. Well I tried to get them done, but then I get stressed out or stuff isn't working so I just tell myself to do it later.

I am upset now though, I don't like to feel like I am a failure who can't do anything right. So I am going to forget the pain like I always do. 

I take "Forgive and Forget" To heart, people can hurt me, people have hurt me(emotionally) and I just won't remember. I know the pain is still there but, its like its hidden. And I am happy again. I don't like being sad, or angry...or anything upsetting. So I force myself to forgive, and that makes me good again. Unless something reminds me of the pain then I am upset again. But luckily I tell myself to just forget and I will feel better.

Its a toxic mentally I know, but its better then having to deal with pain everyday...its better to just not process existing instead of knowing that my life will never get better and its my fault, its all my fault....I think that is partially of why I have such a bad memory. I just refuse to remember stuff that are toodifficult. 

I am ok though, I am really ok. Stop lying to yourself

and Yeah, I am on here because I am stalling on my science homework, I don't ever learn my lesson lol...