2/21/22
Heh. Already 2022? Damn...haven't talked on here in a while. There is something though that I been wanting to talk about for a while. Love. Love is weird honestly. And when it comes to love, there is lots and lots of fear...
I realized I still love my ex(hes not my ex anymore) when they were with another person. Its funny cause most of the time I was trying my best to make his relationship perfect for his boyfriend(who is his ex now) and I managed to break them apart. I tend to do this a lot to my crushes, whenever my crush would be with another person. I would help them have a perfect relationship with their significant other...I think I do that so it hurt less to see them with someone else. Maybe I do it so it help me move on? Maybe seeing them happy with someone else will help me move on.
He says I didn't break them apart but I can't help but think otherwise. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I haven't told one of my friends about my lasting crush.
I still love my boyfriend, but I don't want to be a boyfriend stealer. I want him to be with me if he is happy, I don't want him to be with me out of pity. I want him to be with me if he is happy with me.
And another thing I fear, is not being entertaining enough. Not being a worth-staying girlfriend. Granted I never mind acting sexual with my boyfriend, In fact its better then anything I have felt. But in all honesty, I am still fearful of him leaving me. And because of that I find myself sexually interacting with him, not only because I like it, but also because I hope it gets him to stay with me, I hope it helps keeps him close to me...not get bored of me
I still remember that day where we had a bad sexting...cause I was at a funeral and couldn't do anything. I wonder if he had left me before because of that, because of that day, is that the reason he got bored of me?
I don't want to make that same mistake again, its unhealthy but it does no true harm. Just, I will put my trust that he wants to stay with me not just for sexual reasons, but also because he is happy. Because if he is happy to stay with me
Then I am content.
YOU ARE READING
My secrets that are not really secret.
RandomI was first going to make this for someone special..., so in somewhat they wouldn't be alone when telling their feelings...I don't think they actually needs that from me though...but still I kind of also think this would help me out as well, especia...
