11/3/21
I hate being bored, every time i get bored or stressed out I would pick at my skin, my chest would hurt, my heart would beat fast, sometimes i twitch, pick at my skin, my brain would feel foggy and something like a sponge, I would breathe very hard, it would be hard to do school since that is when i get the most boredum.
What is funny though, the only thing people would notice when this happens is me picking at my skin...but overall I look ok to the outside. I look happy...its really weird. I hate feeling that way...was trying to do stuff so i could stop picking at my skin and feeling bored and lonely but that isn't really working since no one is around.
Its funny, i watch all my friends, and even my online friends. have these dramatic lives, dramatic stories and events going on with their family and stuff. and here I am just sitting and all I can say is "yeah...uhh i had intreseting stuff today, I flew in minecraft haha"
My life would be so boring that I usually will tell everything about my day, in hopes to prove I wasn't so boring...that i was relatable and stuff...never worked really. People would find it annoying, I know its annoying...but its really the only thing that keeps me from being stressed out or alone with my awful thoughts. I mean either that or I spam my friends to roleplay. I know that can get annoying, but its not like i have anything else to offer. I am not that intreseting to have things to talk about. Its funny, cause one of my friend is all about how theres no purpose to live and shit and how hes not good enough...I don't think he realizes that he has purpose, he has a potential future....while im just here kind of just wasting away. stuff happens to him, nothing happens to me, its the same thing everyday for me.
I am typing this because I am alone with my awful thoughts, usually most of these are when I am alone with my thoughts...i hate my thoughts. I just have to deal with it though. I know that i shouldn't expect to have company my whole life and have the treatment I want...so this is just something ima have to learn to live with.
but overall i will most likely contiuning having those fog days, where i shake, pick, and feel like I cannot think. I just have to deal with that
YOU ARE READING
My secrets that are not really secret.
RandomI was first going to make this for someone special..., so in somewhat they wouldn't be alone when telling their feelings...I don't think they actually needs that from me though...but still I kind of also think this would help me out as well, especia...
