11/2/21
I might be having an episode idk, i dont really know the retrospect of what an "episode" is supposed to feel like, but right now i been thinking alot of things, and now I wanna cry. I hate being alone with my thoughts so much.
I just wanna cry, cause in the end i know it won't matter, tomorrow is just gonna be another day. THE SAME FUCKING THING EVERDAY. I HATE IT, THERES NOTHING FOR ME TO LIVE FOR. MY LIFE IS JUST A WHOLE REPEAT THERE IS NOTHING, ABSOULUTY NO REASON FOR ME TO BE HERE.
You probably expect me to be crying right now, angry yelling right now in real life...but no, whats funny is. I don't show alot of emotions with my expressions. most of what goes on is in my head. i could be having a panic attack but you would see me doing nothing but probably doing work, talking with friends...only sign of me being stressed out or having an episode is when i start to pick at my skin till I bleed.
everything else though, you wouldn't know that im feeling worthless, you wouldn't know im at my breaking point, you wouldn't know that i feel like a piece of shit and i dont wanna be alive.
i tend to be really good at hiding stuff in real life. the internet is different though, since im not showing my face and shit. right now though, i look fine, not even crying.
but my head hurts...its hurts so much, i wanna cry but i just can't. i feel so weak and pathetic when i cry.
cause what do i have to cry for? exactly. nothing. my life is perfect. theres people out there who are experience so so much worst and heres me crying over being alone and ignored for a few hours. god im pathetic, clingy and overall a spoil brat. i don't blame people for ignoring me, i am quite annoying
YOU ARE READING
My secrets that are not really secret.
RastgeleI was first going to make this for someone special..., so in somewhat they wouldn't be alone when telling their feelings...I don't think they actually needs that from me though...but still I kind of also think this would help me out as well, especia...
