Faceless Instincts

Back In The Den

The question went on for hours as police officers tried to squeeze every last ounce of information out of us.

It was a big deal for them, an even bigger one for me as I was talking about my best friend. I didn't see that betrayal coming. I recalled how I was sceptical about Olivia's behaviour in the beginning but it soon got struck off as concern. I trusted her blindly and maybe that was the mistake I should have avoided by at least being alert.

Something else bothered me as well. And it was the most awkward and abrupt revelation of our emotions. I couldn't believe that happened either and it was probably even bigger of a dead than anything that was going on. Nikolai had told me that he loved me, as much as it surprised me, what was even more shocking was that I had said it in return.

I had told Nikolai Ashford that I loved him. I didn't know how, when and why it left my mouth, but then again, it would be a lie to deny it. Somehow, even without my consciousness, I had developed strong emotions. These emotions hadn't been born because I was alone or vulnerable and he came into my life exactly when I needed him. But because I had seen him stand by me through it all.

We hated each other. These emotions started to develop early on and then we hit a dead end, where there was no way, and then I saw him protecting me, supporting me and all the more, accepting me.

I looked at him with a side-eye and he looked frustrated. A dagger of guilt ran through my heart every time anyone said the name, Dorian. It felt like betrayal and deceit. Ignorance as well as forgetfulness towards his memory. For the first time, I understood what Nikolai must have felt every time he told me there was no us because once we find Dorian things will go back to normal. A normal where there was no Nikolai.

It seemed like all this questioning had brought me back to my senses and now I was dreading the reality.

"Kiara?" His voice melted in my ears and I looked up at him, "let's go."

I nodded and stood up. We both walked out of the room in deafening silence, I didn't look at him and I was pretty sure he didn't either.

It was not until we were near his car that he stopped me, "Kiara." He held my elbow and made a turn towards him, "what I said earlier, I... It was.."

"...was abrupt?" I finished and he shoved his hands in his pockets, nodding.

"Yeah... It was abrupt."

"Also it was -"

"It was true." He said cutting me off. I looked up at him and his eyes glimmered, "it was true." He assured.

I shook my head, "I was going to say the same thing." I said and he cocked his head.

"Oh. I thought you were going to say, Also it was not true."

My brows furrowed, "why would I say that?" I asked crossing my arms.

"Well, your word choice..." He paused when he saw my raised brow, "your sentence structuring was wrong, it was diverting."

I rolled my eyes, "really?"

He scoffed and moved his hand forward but stopped, "God, it was easier to hold your hand before." He sighed and I shrugged.

"Its awkward now?" I asked and he looked at me.

He stepped closer and took my hand, "no it's not hard to grab your hand, what is hard is to let go now that I have it in mine." He raise my hand kissed the knuckles gently, "this," he kissed the inside of my wrist, "this is something that I would never feel guilty about no matter what happens."

I knew it. It was guilt stopping him from expressing his feeling. He was guilty because he always thought about Dorian in the back of his mind.

"Let's go home."  He said and dropped my hand then laced our fingers.