Faceless Instincts

The Funeral

The entire landscape was white, everything was freezing and every breath sent a chill down the spine releasing a shiver through the entire body.

As Nikolai and I stepped out of the car we saw a dreary entrance, iron gate rusted at every inch, empty vine branches clinging to it in the hopes of blooming again when the spring arrives.

The untouched snow crushed beneath my footsteps as I inched closer to the entrance. Something stirred inside of me and all of a sudden I wasn't sure if I wanted to do this, I could hear the reciting of prayers but it was a distant muffle, the place gave me a sense of guilt and regret, I didn't know why but I somehow felt that it was my failure. Her words echoed in my mind and her face flashed in front of my eyes, she wanted me to save Dorian, she had faith in me.

I felt Nikolai's arm around my shoulder, squeezing it gently, "are you okay?"

I nodded, "I am okay."

"Ready to go inside?" He looked down at me.

"Thank you for doing this with me."

He smiled at me and I saw a flicker of sadness in his eyes.

We walked further inside and found a little group of people standing with their heads bowed, I assumed them to be neighbours.

We joined the group and I heard Eva speak, "My grandmother was the warmest person on this planet, she was kind, loving and above all she loved everyone. Losing her has been the bending point in my life, I have known and loved no one as I did to her, I will miss her and love her, till the day I get to see her again."

Her words were heart-wrenching as she continued to pour out her heart. I felt myself bulk up with emotions. Nothing in the world would prepare a person to face the loss of a loved one.

I recalled the funeral of my parents and how I was unable to comprehend what had happened even after several days. I felt my eyes welling up as my vision clouded. I glanced up at Nikolai and saw him wipe a tear out of the corner of his eye, I elbowed him gently on his side and he looked down at me, "Are you okay?" I whispered and he nodded, visibly clenching his jaw. For whatever it's worth I looped my arm around his and intertwined his fingers with mine.

I focused again on the ceremony, clouds were rumbling overhead and I felt tiny droplets on my bare skin. Eva was ending her speech and people had started mumbling while collecting flowers to drop down the grave. I stepped forward to pick up a rose and saw a picture of the lady kept near the flowers, smiling and warm.

I wondered how it would have been to live with her in your life. How did she know Dorian? Did they ever sit together in the evening sun having some sweet tea? Because I could very well imagine Dorian doing something hearty for a lady like her, though it was a mindless imagination, I smiled despite it.

I picked up the flower and walked near the grave, with a look at the casket, I remembered her first and last words to me, the hope in her eyes and the touch on my skin, I realised how important Dorian must have been to her if she was trying to find someone to help him. Even if she mistook me for someone else, I now knew her love and care for Dorian; knowledge of how much he meant to her - how much she wanted him to be okay.

Her voice was echoing in my brain and I couldn't shake it off, it kept repeating itself and somehow I felt myself growing stronger. If a woman as old as her could keep holding on to hope then why can't I? I dropped the rose and it sat on the surface of the casket. She was at rest and I wiped an involuntary tear that crept on the brim of my eye. I looked down at her for a moment longer, not being capable of moving along, I silently prayed and promised. When I looked up I knew I was now going to fulfil her hopes that were so similar to mine. I knew I was not going to let her down.