Faceless Instincts

The Uphill Café

I had already told my friends that I wanted to spend the entire first day of my holiday alone. It was partially true - this is what I would have done if I hadn't met this stranger.

Around 3:30 I changed into whatever I touched first in my closet and tied my hair in a bun. I was trying to collect myself and think through the situation but my brain defied me. I simply tried to find that one weak moment where I gave in and agreed to help him.

What I was doing and what I was going to do was against the rules. I was not only putting myself and my career in jeopardy but this man's life at potential risk. I resonated with myself that I will make an effort to talk to him about changing the decision. Taking a deep breath and a last look in the mirror I walked out of my home.

However, no matter how much my instincts screamed for me to turn around, within 15 minutes I was outside my office building, it seemed like a bad idea now - a really bad idea indeed. I had so easily stood my ground against Mr Wheeler then why not this man.

I parked my car and got out. I didn't see him at first, but when I did - I couldn't look away. In his dark blue jeans, brown knit sweater with rolled-up sleeves showing his white shirt, he looked picture perfect. I watched him as he stood alone with his hands in his pockets. I don't know for sure but a sinking feeling grew inside me, or maybe it was just my heart skipping a beat.

When he looked up his icy blue eyes drew straight towards me and I couldn't help but notice how they gleamed in the evening sun. I waved at him and a broad smile spread across his face. I gestured in question about if he wanted me to come over but he denied and within seconds he was walking towards me, his stride was confident and his expressions determined. Looking at him one could hardly guess the purpose of our meeting.

The sun was now near the horizon and glowed like fire and so does his ruffled hair, I shook his hand as he closed in the distance and for the first time, I was able to comprehend the meaning of what dreamy looks like.

My admiration stopped when he left my hand and shoved them back in his pockets, "let's go." I said and sat inside the car. He felt like an entirely different person as he sat in the passenger seat. I was not getting the same distorted vibe as last night. He seemed cheerful, almost as cheerful as me, he was rubbing his palm to warm them up, then he looked up at me and smiled, brightly.

I couldn't help but smile back, "you seem better than last night."

He nodded, "I do feel good." He said, then looked at me, "knowing that I still have a chance," he shrugged "let's say it did wonders"

I smiled, "I am glad you are staying positive"

"Well, going from one psychiatrist to another, I have learnt that much."

I glanced at him and found him looking straight ahead, "how many psychiatrists have you seen yet?"

I took in a deep breath, "five."

I was navigating the car uphill, hence I needed to resist my urge to look at him, "Let's hope I'll be your last one."

I felt his eyes on me, "I wish for that too." I risked a look at him and found a small smile blooming at the corner of his lips.

I wanted to ask him why had he broken into my office, but I couldn't risk deteriorating his mood, the better he feels now the more he will reveal later.

Within thirty minutes we reached our destination. The sun was lower on the horizon and the sky was bursting with colours. I got out of the car and walked towards the edge. The entire city was twinkling below us. The sky complemented it perfectly and I felt peace fill my soul right when I felt his presence behind me.

"It's beautiful up here" he whispered.

I turned to face him and looked into his eyes, they held the entire sky and the twinkling lights in them, "yes... Yes, it is." I replied.

When we walked inside l realised it was the perfect place for us to talk. There weren't a lot of people inside, just a couple apart from us. Everything was dark wood, and the dark colours made it more aesthetically convenient, we chose the last table in the farthest corner.

I looked up at him as we sat down, I was abnormally nervous. Even he looked like he had a change of mind and would want to leave the very next moment, but he didn't.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"Mm..." He shrugged nonchalantly, "a little nervous"

I smiled, "It's fine." I assured him, "make yourself comfortable, we can start whenever you feel like

He looked at me through his lashes and nodded. I took out my diary and clipped my pen to write his name but halted when I realised I didn't know it.

He was smart, he noticed it. "Dorian," he said in a soft voice.

I looked up at him, "Dorian" I whispered and nodded my head.

"I know it's partially my fault, I should have introduced myself first instead of pouring out my issues."

I tapped my pen on the diary, "it would have helped, yes. However, your issues are more important right now."

A moment passed between us where he looked at me with such an expression that I found hard to understand. I saw something pass in his eyes - something dark and yet something as fragile as glass.

When I realised that staring was not exactly considered good I cleared my throat and continued, "So," I said as I wrote his name down, "shall we start?"

He gave a half-smile and straightened in his seat.

I took a deep breath and started, completely deceiving my pledge of asking him to change his decision, "first, you should know that you can not hide anything from me. I am here to know you. In the beginning, my questions will be basic, more like we'll get to know each other. Afterwards, as we'll progress my questions will change and you will have to answer honestly. Are you with me on this?"

He didn't answer and it didn't take me long to notice why I saw a little red bruise at the edge of his jaw, I hadn't noticed it before "Dorian?" I called for him, "what's that on you-" I stopped when I had another realisation that he wasn't looking at me, he was staring right past me, or rather behind me.

This was not for the first time and it was so unusual that it concerned me. I turned my head slowly to see who it was, but my blood ran cold when I found nobody there, "Dorian?" I said snapping my fingers in front of his face.

"Sorry, I... I got." He waved his hand in agitation, "distracted"

"By what?" I asked but he shifted uncomfortably in his seat,

"It's okay, Don't worry. I am here, you can tell me what it is. Also, how did this bruise formed?"

His hand immediately flew towards his face, a dread creeping on his face "you see," He murmured, "That's exactly what I want to know. How do I get these marks and bruises."

I looked at him with narrow eyes, "You have no idea how you get them?"

He denied with a shake of his head and looked at me with a defeated expression.

"And what were you staring at, behind me?"

He glanced there quickly and cleared his throat, "I think you should know me before you know them."