Faceless Instincts

The Destructive Alliance

Nikolai looked at me as I came out of the shower. He was sitting on the bed reading a book.

"What happened to you?" He asked and I actively ignored him.

I walked towards the table and pulled out the ointment and started to uncap it, "for the love of God Kiara" he held my wrist and made me turn to look at him.

"What?" I snapped.

I could see his chest rise and fall heavily, his grip on my wrist was strong and his eyes were angry but sad.

"Sit here," he said as he twirled me towards the bed and I sat down. He wiped his hand with a sanitary wipe and snatched the ointment from my palm, squeezing some on his finger, he kneeled before me, "stay still"

"I don't need your help," I said moving my face away.

"Don't be a child," he held my face with my chin, and  I avoided his gaze, "we don't have the luxury of making choices here, believe it or not, but it's us till the end"

His words sunk in and my heart gave a small shudder, I was considering telling him about Dorian and deliberating on how I will tell him.

His fingers were soft on my scars. He blew gently on them and capped the tube again, "done."

I took a deep breath and exhaled shakily, "What if we never find him?" I whispered.

"Dorian?" He wiped his hands again and looked down at me, "we will."

At the dinner table, I found Lucy, Will and Xavier staring at Nikolai, they probably knew who he was and now they knew why I was her. Nikolai ate his food silently and I watched him.

The hurt he had caused was too much for me to overcome, but I couldn't bring myself to blame him entirely. I understood what he did was for his brother but he didn't even stop to think about the consequences of what he was doing.

"You're not eating Kiara." He pointed his fork at my plate while looking at me through the lashes.

I gave out a breath and started eating without a word.

When we came back into the room he slammed the door behind him, "what the fuck?" I snapped.

"What are you doing?" He spoke up.

"Nothing." I shrugged.

"You think ignoring me will make this easy?" He took a step forward.

"For me? Yes..." I announced and turned around to go into the bathroom but he held my hand.

"What do you want me to do?" He spoke with a slight dejection.

"Leaving me the fuck alone would be a great start," I said as I tried to free my hand.

"Not going to happen, I have stuck around for so long because I know you are better than me, you know more than me"

"Apparently, yes," I said with a bitter nod.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, "the only reason I hid my identity was that I knew how much you would have hated me otherwise, remember when we were back in my father's house, how you blamed Dorian's brother?"

I hesitated at the memory, "and none of it was wrong."

"I agree, okay?" He pulled me nearer, "that is why I need you."

"No you don't, all you need is to get your shit together and see clearly how you screw people up in the wake of your selfishness" the words came out of nowhere and I saw the colour change on his face.