Faceless Instincts

In Cold Blood

Nikolai and Tanner returned when they found a spot, "we found a place but we can't start digging, it's still early and there are occasional passers-by." Nikolai said and Tanner agreed.

"We need to be cautious," Tanner said and looked down at himself. "Do you have any first aid in your car?

Nikolai bobbed his head, "yes let me help you." He said but Tanner stopped him, "no, stay with Kiara, I'll just do some cleaning."

I watched him go and turned towards Nikolai, "how are you holding up?" I asked and he hung his head with a deep sigh.

"I am going crazy, Kiara." He answered with certainty, "I don't know who to hate anymore." His voice became precarious as he spoke further, "I...I was hating on my father thinking he was the only reason my family got destroyed, but... But now?" He looked up at me with tears in his eyes, "I don't understand how to hate my mother...I" He ran his hand through his hair and I had to stop him again, he held on to it as his life depended on it, "to think, because of those two my brother suffered his entire life... while...while they were busy decorating their own."

"Nikolai, you don't know," I suggested but he wasn't having it. I knew saying anything would only put him off, "Nikolai" I pulled him in and he clung to me like a baby.

"I started loving her, I finally started loving her, but... But she had to prove my father right." He pressed his words and his tears dropped on the crook of my neck, "to think my father's assumption was right and she was really with another man."

"Nikolai, don't think like that, it's not proven yet." He pulled away and stared at me.

"Don't side with her." He said with a haunting calm. "I love you, Kiara, it's only you for me and I... I need you to understand that it's hurting me." He said as he took my hand and placed it on his heart, I expected to feel a heartbeat but there was nothing, "Do you feel anything?" I shook my head in a not "exactly, because there is nothing. Those people took it away from me. Every little ounce of life that I had, they poisoned it. All that I am left with is only enough to give you."

"Nikolai." I whispered and he shook his head silencing me, "I want to accept the fact that she was cheating on my father and she was almost going to give us up." He squeezed my hand, "help me fight, Kiara, but don't try to psyche me out of it."

Seeing him like this was the most heartbreaking thing I had ever experienced. My vision blurred as I touched his face and he leaned into it for comfort, "I need some time alone." He whispered and I nodded, "I'll be in the car, come. if you want to else I'll ask tanner to come to find you."

"No don't, let him take his rest before he starts digging, he's injured."

Nikolai nodded and left me alone. I leaned against the tree and sat down on a patch-free of snow. A million thoughts raced but only one prevailed, when will this end?

I rested my head against the trunk and for the first time I realised how much a whip hurts. It felt like my entire skin on the back has been ripped off. The thrashing caused some real damage as I watch my hands bleeding.

I thought about Dorian and how it all started with him. What if he was here? What if he had never gone?

I relaxed despite my pain as exhaustion took over me and unbeknownst to my senses, I drifted off on the ground in the cold of December.

A soft shake woke me up and Tanner looked at me, "Kiara," he called, "we are going to do it." he said and I woke up wide.

"What time is it?" I asked.

"It's four in the morning."

"It's been seven hours?" I asked standing up and he nodded.

Nikolai walked up to us and opened the bag, which proved to be a big mistake. Amy's blood and the man's blood whom Nikolai had killed over her body while the bag was open, spilt out and stained the entire snow red.