Ma Fille Chérie | Billie Eilish

vingt

a/n:

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y'all must like this lol

lilou roux, november 7th

los angeles | CA

"billie? we're home sweetheart!" 

shit, her parents are back. billie was passed out on my chest, suckling on her thumb. 

i could hear faint conversations in the living room. my back was facing the door, so i was partially hiding billie in front of me but once i heard footsteps coming up the hall i gently tugged her thumb from between her lips.

billie's bedroom door opened so i looked over my shoulder to see who it was. 

"lilou? what are you doing here? i thought you and billie had a fall-out or something?" 

finneas. or asshole.

"long story," i whispered turning my head back to his little sister. "is she asleep?" finneas asked lowering his voice. i nodded, continuing to stroke billie's hair. 

"hey, why are the sheets different? you didn't- did you?" 

"no!" i whisper shouted, "of course not."

i paused momentarily, quickly trying to think of a legitimate excuse. 

"billie got her period, and so i changed her sheets while she took a bath" i lied. "right okay," finneas chuckled, "i'll be in my bedroom then, goodnight you two" he said quietly before backing out of the room.

billie stirred in my arms, rousing from the talking. her eyelids fluttered before peeking up at me. "hey, cutie" i murmured. "sleepy..." she slurred, sounding almost intoxicated. 

"i know you're sleepy, i'm sorry for waking you darling, you can go back to sleep" 

"who ' talkin' too?" billie asked wearily sticking her thumb back into her mouth. "finneas. your family just got home," i answered, soon realizing it was a big mistake. billie's eyes widened in terror. 

"wait- no, no, it's okay, he didn't see you, no one knows anything, okay? you're safe, i've got you" i said hastily defusing the situation before it could get any worse. 

"p'omise?"billie sniffled tucking her finger into her cheek. this girl definitely has some trust issues. "i promise baby. you can go back to sleep, i'll be here all night remember?"

♡

i twisted in the sheets uncomfortably. something felt a bit wrong, but i couldn't figure out what was wrong- that was until i gave up and squinted my eyes open, only to be met with billies. she was sitting criss-cross, staring at me. 

i jumped a little from the sudden eye contact i was not expecting.

"billie? what're you doing? you scared me." i asked squinting at her, my eyes adjusting to the red light filling the room. 

i didn't occur to me she was crying until she wiped her eyes. "i-i'm sorry lilo-ou, i have b-been a real dick, i-i didn't mean it, i p-romise, i'm just s-scared" billie admitted hiccuping, now obviously out of headspace.

"oh angel," i pouted reaching out to her and bringing her down into my embrace. her shoulders shook against me as she took shaky, shallow breaths trying to calm herself down. my tired state completely disappeared, all my attention now on the smaller girl wrapped in my arms.

i rubbed the base of my palm in circles over billies back, "when i say it's okay, i really do mean it billie. nothing that you do- or that happens will ever make me think of you any differently" 

"i really do like you billie, and nothing's gonna change that"

billie sat up on her elbows, looking at me. i couldn't quite tell the expression on her face, but before i could figure it out she slid forward, pressing her lips against mine.

i let out a muffled surprised gasp. that was the last thing i had expected from her. 

she pulled back and licked a tear from the corner of her mouth that had rolled down her cheek, her eyes flickering all over my face trying to read my reaction.

"billie i-"

her head fell down on my chest, "i'm sorry i-i didn't- fuck" 

i stumbled on my own words as much as she was. my pause of silence was enough to get billie thinking she fucked up again. she got off me and sat back beside me again, her neck starting to jerk around the place. 

she groaned loudly, smacking the sides of her head.

"billie stop that!" 

it was the first thing that came out of my mouth as i jumped to my knees to grab her hands from hurting herself. "shit," i sighed, this all happened way too fast. 

"okay, uhm, i'm not mad or upset or anything like that, i just was not expecting it" i explained. she tried to apologize but i stopped her, "billie. it's alright, i promise"

"i-i don't know how to express my feelings, and i thought that m-maybe an action would work better-" billie tried to explain but kept grunting as her neck twitched.

"fucking tics!" she whimpered loudy grabbing onto her neck with her hand. her face grimacing, she was in pain. 

i didn't know what her tics were from, but now wasn't the time for questions.

"you're working yourself up too much my love, you gotta calm down. everything's okay, and i know i keep telling you this but it doesn't seem like you're actually understanding what i'm saying" i said grabbing billies hands and holding them in my own. 

"i don't understand myself anymore, my emotions are all over the place, and i- i just i don't wanna lose you" billie cried pulling her hands from my grip to frantically wipe her cheeks.

i wrapped my arms around billies shoulders and pulled her onto me once again. "you are not going to lose me, my sweet girl, you hear me?" i reassured confidently. billie nodded her head into me, wrapping her arms around my lower back.

i drew back from the hug and peered down at billie's wet, snotty face. i grinned, leaning down and pressing a kiss to her soft lips. 

fuck it.