Ma Fille Chérie | Billie Eilish

trente-quatre

a/n:

hey babies <3

i kissed a girl and i liked ittttttt

true story ^

matthew freaking out over billie on his insta stories has me rolling 

honestly, i'm starting to hate this book :D like what even is this chapter?

billie eilish, november 12th

   santa monica | CA 

"hey sweetheart, you okay?" lilou asked as i opened the bathroom door. i nodded rubbing my arm, "yeah, i'm okay" 

lilou noticed the change in headspace and stiffened, waiting for what i was going to say or do, hoping i was going to be calmer this time than the majority of others. "i'm sorry for always doing this, when we are having a good time" i mumbled walking toward her. 

"shh, don't be silly, there's no need to be sorry, it's just how your body reacts when it's overwhelmed, and plus, you can't really help an allergy baby" the french girl said putting her arm around me and taking me back to her room, cautious not wanting to embarrass me and risk me doing a runner like the previous times. 

"i'm sorry for how i've acted the past week, i've just been really scared. this all happened too fast for me" i sighed taking a seat on lilou's bed again. "one minute i'm just working on music with my brother, the next im questioning my sexual identity and dating a female, which i never in my life saw myself doing, i always imagined myself growing up and marrying asap rocky or some shit" i joked making lilou stifle a light chuckle. 

"and it's not that i'm ready for you, because i really do want to be with you and i wouldn't of said yes to being your girlfriend, it's just, i don't know, it's been hard to come to terms with, i guess, am i sounding like a dick?" i asked, looking up at lilou who was standing in front of me.

"no, gosh no, i get where you're coming from, i understand, and i know how hard the age regression has been for you to deal with, you don't have to go into that, it's okay" the older girl said running a hand through my hair.

"i also know you how strongly you react to these things, which is again understandable, they are a big deal to you, and i just want you to know that i wouldn't of asked you to be my girlfriend if i didn't have the patience, or willingness to take care of you and help you through this, i want you billie, and all that comes with you" she said sweetly, sitting down beside me and grabbing my hands from my lap.

"to think you messaged me just a few weeks ago and now look at us," i said making lilou laugh, "oh my god, are we those u-haul lesbians? wait, am i even a lesbian?!"

the french teen laughed even harder, "i guess it must be love at first sight bil"

"love?" i quizzed calming down slightly, "you love me?"

lilou flopped backwards into the mattress with a goofy smile on her face, "maybe i do"

the same smile reciprocated across my cheeks as i laid back beside her, "maybe i do too"

we turned to face each other, beaming widely. "is it bad to fall in love this fast?" i asked, lacing our hands together. "i don't think so, but what i am certain about is how much you mean to me, even if we've only known each other for a small while, i couldn't imagine being without you"

i blushed and looked away from her gaze, "i feel so comfortable around you, even if being with you is the most not-comfortable thing i've ever done, it's scary, but i have you, and that's all that really matters"

"you're the cutest person i've ever met billie, le plus mignon absolu!" lilou exclaimed, pulling her hands from mine and placing them on my cheeks, squeezing the skin. "hey!" i giggled pushing her hands off me. she pulled them back to her body smiling. 

we stared at one another, a blanket of comfortable silence over us. but my loud mouth, and impatient self, didn't stay quiet for too long. 

"are you gonna kiss me or what?"

lilou chuckled with a shake of her head in amusement, "no need to ask twice"

she brought her hand to cup my cheek gently, craning in closer to place an affectionate kiss to my lips. "how are they always that soft baby," she mumbled pulling back after a few moments, her gaze stuck upon my mouth. "aquaphore, i can get you some if you'd like?" i said smugly putting my arms around her shoulders. 

"mhm, but i think this will do for now..." she trailed off tentatively leaning back in, connecting our lips together. i deepened the kiss, opening my mouth slightly. my breath hitched in my throat as lilou's silky tongue rolled over my own. 

my heart was hammering in my chest and i could feel my hands becoming clammy, but i couldn't pull back.

it felt too right.

"is this okay? are you-?" the french girl asked breaking away, a little lost for breath. i nodded eagerly, half cutting her off and rolling into her warmth, "more please"

our lips crashed back together and started moving in sync, lilou's tongue delving deeper in my mouth. the butterflies in my stomach were so great it was starting to hurt, i wondered if lilou felt the same. 

the older girls hand started to roam my sides, her trimmed nails running up and down my body. hearing the way we were both breathing so heavily through our nostrils i pulled back, resting my forehead against lilou's. her hands stopped against my hips, looking at me through her long eyelashes, chest heaving. 

"i love you," i panted.

"i love you more."