Criss- Crossed Love Affair (BokuAka)

Useless

The dinner was served. I sat down in the table. It is unusual, Dad is home early today.

How can I describe him? He's tall just like me, he got black hair properly organized, he have stern yellow eyes, and a monotonous face. He's your average businessman, always busy and stuff.

I kept quiet. He's so particular with manners and conduct. Maybe that's why I do the exact opposite outside our house to experience what it's like to be free from his expectations.

After we ate dinner in total silence...
"Kōtarō, how's the charity work today?"

"It's... It's great.. the kids are so happy and the nuns are grateful. Then I met my.. ahmm school mate who happened to-" I excitedly replied.

"Spare me the unnecessary details... Did Mr. Ichiro get the photos and uploaded them?"

So.. for popularity ei.. He never really think of those children, does he? I mean... charitable work for fame is the lamest thing I know. I hate it!

"Kōtarō, I don't have time to waste... Are you listening?" He asked sipping his tea.

"I.. ahmm.. Sorry, I spaced out.. Yes, he did. But Dad... the charity should be done out of free will and passion, it shouldn't..."

"You're lecturing me? What do you know about business and how things work? You're an insolent, useless kid who knew nothing but to spend my money and be burden to this family... You have no right to even tell me what to do..." he said monotonously without changing his expression.

Family.. you are calling us a family?

He's mad, yes, but his control over his emotion is very intact.... Like very professional.

"I..."

"You aren't smart, and you're a total disgrace in this family. You can lecture me once you have proven yourself worthy, Kōtarō... But since you still can't manage anything without my connections, I guess you better start sharpening your skills in communication so you may not sound dictating especially to your own father.."

That's a lot of words.. I don't think many people would remember any of that... but I do..

They are sharp and it bleeds me out deeply.

I am not dictating you! I am just telling you my opinion... Well, my opinion doesn't really matter to you right? For you I am just a kid who happened to live in the same house as you... a disgrace in your name, and a load weighing you down. I am a good for nothing- not smart, childish, immature kid.

You didn't even ask how I am.. How's school... who are my friends... and you didn't care at all.. All that you care about is your image in front of other people... It hurts a lot .. I desperately need your love... I need a family, too.

I want to tell him these things..

I looked at him.

"I'm sorry, Dad." I bowed down.

"Mr. Daisuke (one of his assistant) how's the preparation for my flight tonight?"

"It's settled Sir. We can go as soon as you finish your conversation with Kōtarō-"

"It's okay... We're done talking." he said as he stood up and leave the dining area without saying anything to me.

How come you can speak that nicely to others except me your own son? Flight? You're going to business trip again without telling me where you're going and when you're coming back.. so for you this is family...

When I'm at this place, I couldn't even be myself... I can't even call it my home... I felt tears rolling down my face... "I hope you are here, Mom." I mumbled.

I stood up and went to my room.
"Dude... hey, can I come over?" I asked Kuroo through a phone call

"You okay, Bro?"

"Yeah, I am.. So, could I stay there for a while and hang out?"

"Did something happen?" he asked

"No.. it's.. it's nothing.. Nothing much.."

"So something did happen. I'll go there to get you, Bro.."

"It's okay, I can-"

"No.. I will go there." he insisted.

"Okay...
"Ahmm... Bro... Am I that useless?" I continued.

"Uncle is there? What the hell did he tell you this time?"

"Yeah, he was here earlier.. He-" I choked up... and sniffed... I found myself crying badly while Kuroo still listened. Playing those words inside my head makes me giddy. Those words are just painful...

"I'll be there, Bro. Give me few minutes... I'll be there, okay?"

"Mhmmm."

He hanged up.

I buried my face in my bed.. This is one of the moments I really hoped Mom didn't leave me here all alone.