Criss- Crossed Love Affair (BokuAka)

Chapter 56

The days walked fast. It's the 1st of January and we decided to visit the temple.

We went as a group, together with the others, and decided to go home after that. Starting tomorrow, Bokuto-san and I have to prepare for the coming final exams. I am still his tutor so I have to give extra time for his study.

My mother tries contacting me once, but I never reply to her. Bokuto-san seems worried, but I assured him I am fine.

We extend our tutorial session at their house or at my apartment after class hours. Kuroo-san, the twins, and Suna always tag along to study as well.

It was almost 2 weeks after the classes resumed, and the two of us happened to review on Literature at my apartment, when Bokuto-san asked
"Aren't you gonna open her gifts?" he mindlessly said as he is staring at the stack of boxes in the corner of the room.

"No.. I have no plan of doing that, Bokuto-san... Let's focus on this, please" I replied as I used the pen to point the lesson.

"She's your mom.." he responded as he looked at me sadly.

"Bokuto-san, please... I don't want to talk about it..."

"But, Kaashi ... Maybe you should give her a chance to talk and explain herself..."

"I DON'T CARE!!!!" I shouted as I glared at him

"Akaashi... I understand what you're going through but-"

BOKUTO'S POV
"Understand me?" he asked

I haven't replied yet when he said
"DO YOU REALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH?!?"

."Yes, Akaashi... I..."

He stood and arrange the things on the table..
"We'll continue tomorrow..." he said without looking at me...

He gave me the bag and walked going to his room.

I stopped him by holding his left arm.
"Akaashi, please..."

He's trembling..... Is he angry?

"Kaashi, please... Hear me out, okay?!" I am still trying to convince him.

He looked at me with anger in his eyes.

"My point is ... she is still your mother... I understand that...."

He suddenly pulled my shirt and pushed me into the wall... What strength. I look at him with shock.. I looked down at him. All my stuff fell into the floor and I felt a sudden pain in my collarbone.

He's gritting his teeth and pushed me harder. I flinched

"DON'T. SAY. THAT. YOU. UNDERSTAND! BECAUSE YOU DON'T!"
he angrily yelled.

But I do....

I looked away from him. I could still feel him trembling because he hasn't release his grip into my shirt. I am bigger and taller, but I don't want to do anything to hurt him by any force..

After few minutes, I raised my left hand and hold his hand which is still grabbing me.
"But, I do, Keiji...." I stared at him and I just noticed the tears falling out of my own eyes.

It's not terror, it's pain... Knowing what he feels about his mother.... I feel it towards my own mom.... anger and disappointment... but I know, somewhere in our hearts, we miss them so much...

He soften his glare..
"I.. I'm... so..sor...sorry... Bokuto-san" and he release his tight grip.

I hugged him tightly.
"It's okay, Kaashi... You don't have to say sorry, okay? I fully understand.".

AKAASHI'S POV
"It's okay, Kaashi... You don't have to say sorry, okay? I fully understand." Bokuto-san is an amazing, genuine person....

I remembered, his mother also left him... Of all people, he probably truly understands me.... and I tried pushing him away.... I am so wrong.....

This thought hurts me... Causing him to cry like this tortures me.

I cried while continuously apologizing about hurting him. We slowly slid down into the floor without breaking the hug.

It's emotionally tiring. He tap my back and then he looked at me in the eye. We both have tears in our eyes still. He caressed my cheeks and smiled- a lonely one.

"I'm sorry, Bokuto-san... I didn't mean-"

"I know.... Kaashi..." he wiped his tears then mine. "If you don't want to have any connections with her, I'll not force you anymore.... I am just concern, Kaashi because if it was me... I probably....-"

I looked at him intently. He wanted to be with his mother.... I just know the pain, and yet I continue to avoid this feeling ...

"I'll try my best to forgive her... for you, Bokuto-san."

He stared at me and said
"Do it not for me, but for yourself, Kaashi... because I know deep down, you wanted to hug her the first moment you laid your eyes on her after all these years..."

He knows exactly how I felt....

I pull him closer for a kiss.
"Thank you, Bokuto-san..." and then I noticed the redness in his skin just below the collarbone. I frowned.

He noticed me and quickly said
"Don't mind that... It'll be fine..." he smiled.

I felt guilty... I promised I won't hurt you again, Bokuto-san.

We stood up from the floor and fixed his stuff. He insisted to stay tonight, but Kosukie-san texted me that the driver is on his way to pick Kōtarō up.

We decided to meet my mom at the address she provided in her first text.

I opened the gifts she sent, and I just cried all night hugging those things.. She sent gifts for the occasions she missed- birthday, Christmas, New Year, Valentine's- since the day she left.

One box contains letters she wasn't able to send because according to one, she ran out of courage.

I wanted to... I really wanted to .... hug her and tell her how much I love and miss her....

I love you, Mom.