-
"You got it, Sugar Tits."
-The rubbish lorry pulled up at their home and Nova jumped over the wall of the lorry, wiping down her suit.
"Sorry about bleeding in all your garbage." Wade apologise with a groan as he climbed out of the lorry and landing on his ass then getting back up. "Seltzer water and lemon for blood." He waved them away.
"You remembered." Nova grinned.
"Whoo! Yeah!" Wade exclaimed. "Some kinds of anger can't be managed, like the kind where your year-long plan end with the wrong guy getting dismembered!" Wade yelled at thin air, wrapping a towel around his severed arm from a car.
"They watching us again?" Nova questioned and Wade nodded.
"That said, when it comes time to licking wounds, there's no place like home. Ah, and I share that home with two people you've met, the old blind lady from the laundromat, Al. And Sweet Cheeks over here." Wade gestured to Nova who waved at the air again.
-
"God, I miss cocaine." Al mumbled, putting clothes in the washing machine.
"Me too, love. Me too." Nova agreed, leaning against the dryer.
"Them." Wade pointed between them before gasping. "Forth-wall break inside a fourth-wall break. That's like 16 walls."
-
"She's like the Robin to my Batman except she's old, and black, and blind. And I think she's in love with me. While Sweet Cheeks is like the Joker to my Batman. We can't live without each other." Wade sighed in a fake dreamy voice as Nova shook her head with a smile. "Wait, pretty sure Robin loves Batman, too."
"Oh, 1000% with whipped cream and sprinkles on top." Nova agreed, knocking on the door. There want an answer so the two knocked together.
"Al?" Wade called. Once again there was no answer so he decide to just barge the door open and came face to face with Al's ass. "Morning, sleepyhead." He over exaggerated a grunt. "It smells like only lady pants in here."
"Yes, I'm old. I wear pants." Al replied flatly as Nova kicked the door closed.
"But your no lady." Wade responded, putting on his blue Crocs. "Oh! So comfy."
"Upside of being blind: I've never seen you in Crocs." Al stated.
"Yes, You're a very lucky person." Nova grumbled, grabbing a bar of chocolate from the kitchen. "They're awful."
"You mean my big, rubber masturbating shoes?" Wade asked.
"Yes, I know. Downside of being blind, I hear everything in the duplex." Al grumbled.
"Then you'll hear Nova making her porn videos." Wade commented with a smirk and Nova stuck her middle finger up at him.
Wade then plopped down on the floor with a groan, laying in his back as Nova sat down on the settee, leaning back and, as Tony would say, 'man-spreading'.
"Sit on a stick." Wade mumbled.
"Bactin?" Al quizzed.
"Yeah. Bactin should do it." Wade remarked, pulling off the towel to reveal a small baby hand tat was slowly growing. "How's that Kullen coming along? IKRA doesn't assemble itself, you know."
"You're telling me. I don't mind the Kullen. It's an improvement on the Hurdal." Al responded.
"Please. Anything's an improvement over the Hurdal. I'd have taken an Hemnes or a Trysil over the Hurdal." Wade snarked. "Oh, no, I didn't get excited till I saw the Kullen."
"You guys didn't just go into IKEA to have rolly chair wars?" Nova questioned and Wade sat up.
"You had a rolly chair race without me?" Wade acted offended.
"We should totally try and stay over night in an IKEA!" Nova exclaimed excitedly.
"And this is why we're best friends." Wade nodded rapidly.
"Screw, please." Al interrupted the two adult-children's conversation.
"Here? Now? Maybe you could be in one of Nova's pornos." Wade smiled, grunting as Nova kicked him. "Just kidding. I know it's been decades."
"You'd be surprised." Al remarked and Nova let out a low whistle.
"Pretty grossed out." Wade muttered.
"Ta," Al paused, groaning as she sat down, "Da."
The IKEA cabinet immediately fell over, crumpling into a pile on the floor next to Wade's head as Nova just watched with raised eyebrows.
"I wish I'd never heard of Craigslist." Al murmured.
"And I quote, 'Looking for roommates, blind to life's imperfections. Must be good with hands.' Or would you rather I build the IKEA, and you pay rent?" Wade questioned.
"Why such a douche this morning?" Al quizzed and Wade sat up quickly, facing the old woman.
"Let's recap. The cock thistle that turned me into this freak, slipped through my arms today." Wade paused, glancing at his dismembered hand. "Arm." He then stood up. "Catching him was my only chance to be hot again, get my super sexy ex back, and prevent this shit from happening to someone else. So, yeah, today was about as much fun as a sandpaper dildo." Wade then started to walk to his room, farting loudly on the way past. "#driveby."
"Wade, what do you want for tea?" Nova called, hoping to cheer him up.
"Oh, your chilli would hit the spot right now, Sweet Cheeks." Wade responded.
"You got it, Sugar Tits." Nova smiled, patting his door. "What about you, Stevie Wonder?"
"I get it. I'm black and blind." Al grumbled.
"No. I just don't believe your blind." Nova replied and Al went to hit her with her stick. "Whoa! Calm down! Save the whipping for the bedroom."
{902}
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Venom // Natasha Romanoff
FanficNova Black is a 20 year old that was infected with a parasite. Nick Fury found out about her and called her in for the Avengers. What happens when she meets Natasha Romanoff? Will her past catch up with her? Avengers: Assemble - ✅ Captain America: T...