To the One I Loved

Chapter Seventeen: Can I See Her Now?

Nina knew she was going to die. She never said anything. All she said was. I'm okay. Never great. Never horrible. Just okay. I couldn't believe she didn't tell me these things. I mean, why leave me a letter when we spent all of the time together.She could've told me how she felt.

I turn the page, ready to start the next letter when Paul and Joan come from behind the doorway that leads to Nina. I close the notebook. Then I feel an empty space on my lap where it last sat. I turned to Beth and she was holding it. She shrugged. I guess she didn't want Joan to see me with it, since technically, Nina left the notebook for her.

Beth and I stand up. "You guys ready to see her?" Paul I asked. I nodded. How could I not be? I was ready to see her after first period, this morning. I was ready to her at our lockers when the bell rang. I was ready to continuously turn around in my seat to see her sitting behind me in second period. But of course, that didn't get to happen. So now, I'm more ready than I've ever been in my whole life.

Paul turned back around towards the glass door he had just come through no less than a minute ago. Beth and I followed, knowing that he'd lead towards Nina.

After going through the glass door with the words: EMERGENYCY ROOM and PATIENTS ONLY, we walked down a hallway filled with a receptionist desk, and a bunch of doctors and nurses.

We kept walking until the receptionist desk was out of sight. Then after turning right, it was the second door on our left. Paul grabbed the handle and pushed the door open.

There in a hospital dress, and laying on a hospital bed, was Nina Myers. The love of my life. I walked over to her. She looked so peaceful. It was as if she was only sleeping. And technically, she was.

Then I saw a shadow in front of me. I looked up from Nina to find Beth standing on the other side of the hospital bed.

"Hey, Nina," she said. "I miss you, even though we've only been apart for like three hours," she laughs. "I'm just not used to having a friend that actually likes me and wants to be around me."

I take Nina's motionless hand into mine. Then I reach out for Beth's hand. "Please come back to us soon, Nina," I say, "I miss you, too. A lot."

Suddenly her cold, motionless hand moves. I don't know if I was desperate, and making this up, but I know I felt something.

"I can't do this right now," Beth said, with tears running down her face. Then she left the room. Then it was just me and Nina. I pulled up the chair on the other side of the room right up next to the bed.

"Why'd you leave me with letters as an explanation?" I ask. "Why didn't you just tell me?" I sit and wait for the response that's not going to come. Then I nodd my head.

I reach over Nina's motionless body to where Beth had left the notebook. "I'm going to read it to you," I said, "I hope that's okay."

Then I opened up the notebook and flipped to the second page. I turned the page to how long it was. It was a front and a back.

"Okay," I said, "Here we go: Dear Alex, this first letter is written to you on the day of our first date. Friday, August 25, to be exact. As soon as I got home, I cracked out this notebook.

You're a real asshole, Alex. That hard-to-get act that I was trying to convince you of? Yeah. I was trying to convince myself to. I didn't want you to fall in love with me. And I didn't want to fall in love with you. But apparently, we have a history, Alex Jensen.