To the One I Loved

Chapter Twenty: The Last Letter

After being with Nina for an hour Beth left. She told me she had to take care of business with her mom. I don't think Beth has forgiven her mom yet for all that she's done to her.

Then once again it was just me and Nina. "You're not going to die, so why would you write these?" I ask. She looked down. The smile that has been on her face for the past hour finally fading.

"You wouldn't understand. Alex I'm going to die!" She says. And hearing her say this breaks my heart over and over again.

"I don't need letters to give me closure. I just need the thought of knowing we lived our lives together, fully," I say.

Tears start to form her eyes. She nodded, "I just had to make sure," she said. "I didn't want to leave you with anything but sadness."

The anger once in me from knowing that she knew that she was going to die, was finally fading. "I guess I was just pissed that you thought like this," I say to her. She nods.

"I know," she said, "And I'm sorry." I take her hand into mine.

"Just the thought of losing you makes me go a little crazy sometimes," I say. She smiles.

"Do you still want to read the letters? Or are you going to save them for when I really die?" She asks. My face falls and she can tell.

"Sorry, cancer has just become a morbid topic for me," she says. "Why don't you read to me?" She asks. She scoots over on the hospital bed, making enough room for me.

I sit next to her, laying my back against the bed. "Okay," I said. I opened the notebook to the third letter. "Dear Alex, today is September 25th. Also known as my mom's birthday. Also known as the day I first received this bitch of a cold. You wrote this two days ago," I say. She nodded. "So is this the last letter you got to write?" I ask.

"Yeah," she says. "But keep reading."

"You came over today before school. We talked. But you had to leave. I could see in your eyes that you didn't want to go. I saw the way you hesitated before you walked out of my bedroom door. And I appreciate it. Because I know you wanted to stay. With me.

But that's all right, because you came back after school. And you took care of me. You took my temperature and made sure everything was all right.

And the best part came next. Then you held me in your arms. Wrapping me in your embrace. Letting me lay my weak body against your strong one. You were my strength. You were there for me. You gave me a reason to not be home alone.

And when my parent and brother came home. I once again saw in your eyes that you didn't want to leave, but you also didn't want to intrude on family time either. Haha.

Alex, I love you. And I want you to know that. I feel like some things wrong inside. I think the cancer is back. And if I die I just wanted you to know how much I love you.

I love you more than words can express. I needed you to know that before I left the face of the earth for good. But maybe we'd meet up again one day. In heaven? Maybe. But I guess that depends on a lot of things.

Don't be angry with me for knowing that I was going to die and that I wrote these letters because I knew that. I just needed to tell you these things. To give you closure. I really hope you understand. And I also hope that at my funeral you will make sure there are bo butterflies. Lol.

I really do love you Alex. Don't forget me, okay?" Then she leans over and kisses me.

"I could never forget you," I say, pulling back from the kiss. "Never," then I lean back in. Out lips reconnecting and passion shooting through like fireworks.