The Aberrations of S.I.D.E.

No. 37: Second Shot

"Christmas in Iceland was fucking unbearable," Ian said with a groan, flopping onto Augustus's beanbag chair. "So many obnoxiously perfect people who work with my parents. So many mind-numbingly boring and well-behaved boys my age that my parents tried to set me up with. And the sleeves. The sleeves. I have rashes, Gusty. I have rashes."

"I have absolutely no sympathy for you," Augustus informed him. "You knew the drill when you agreed to let your parents take you there."

Ian looked up at him with a little smirk. "Would've been much more bearable if you were there. Especially with this new look you've decided to go with—the 1970's look is flawless on you."

Augustus lowered his sunglasses and gave him a look. Over the past month or so, his hair had gone from chin-length to about halfway to his shoulders, and despite the fact that he actually kind of liked it, it was a hassle to keep out of his face. Long hair plus sunglasses plus one blind eye was not a good combination in terms of sight.

"Okay, jokes and agonizing aside, it wasn't that bad," Ian admitted. "I got to catch up with some of my friends back there."

"Sorry, you have friends besides me?"

Ian threw a pillow at him. "I'm not a total social recluse, you know. As a matter of a fact, I DM for their D&D sessions when I have the time."

Augustus raised an eyebrow. "Those sentences contradict each other."

"Didn't you express interest in D&D at one point?"

"Yeah, well, I'm kinda busy with trying to take down a cult from the inside, Frosty," he reminded him. "Stop trying to get me to have fun."

"What, I can't be concerned for my best friend's mental health?" Ian said, getting up and hugging him from behind. "You can't be an angsty mess 24/7."

Augustus tried his very best to ignore the fact that his heartbeat was currently going insane. "I—I—shut up," he mumbled, feeling his face heat up.

"Speaking of angstiness, how's your pyrokinesis coming?" Ian asked, letting go (both to Augustus's relief and disappointment). "You've been practicing, right?"

He hesitated. "A... a little?"

"May I see?"

Augustus exhaled, clenched his fist, and opened it again as a burst of flame came out of it.

He'd taken Elena's advice and had started to work through the flashbacks instead of shutting down. And while they definitely weren't awful, it still hurt to remember how he'd made Janus feel.

How he felt about it back then.

He isn't gonna forgive you, his mind whispered as he stared at the flames. Jannie can keep a grudge for years over the littlest thing. He's gonna hate your guts for the rest of your life, and you know you'll never get over yourself unless he forgives you for the shit you did to him.

That was the breaking point. Augustus quickly blew the fire out.

"You lasted longer," Ian noted.

"Elena told me to work through them."

"Glad that you listened." He carefully took Augustus's wrist. "Do... you want to talk about it?"

Augustus's first instinct was to say fuck off, but he realized that yes, actually, he did desperately want to talk about it. He'd been holding everything back for way too long.

And the dam was finally about to break.

"I just... I..." He sighed. "I hurt him, Frosty. I hurt him bad. And it didn't even bother me back then. I was too caught up in proving myself to Mom that I didn't consider... I didn't think about who'd get hurt along the way. I didn't think about how Jannie already had to deal with a shitty dad. Didn't think about how school—the Academy—was his safe place, and I ruined it—" He choked slightly. "I destroyed that kid, Frosty. Am I—am I any better than Dad? Better than Mom? Better than every single member of the Griffins or Macklemore line? Am I just one more psychopath in a family of psychopaths?"