Starting Over

Chapter 76- Caroline's Letters...Again

“Kenzie will you go in the other room, please. I need to talk to your mother,” I asked my daughter as she got up and started towards my office, “And stay off my Twitter! Make your own!”

“Do you really think that’s a good idea?” Bridget asked me.

“We’ll deal with that later,” I told her as I held the letters in the air, “I really think we need to deal with this now.”

“I guess you have a point. Is there just one?” Bridget asked me.

“There’s two. One for you and one for me,” I told her as I handed her a letter, “You want to read them out loud?”

“That’s fine with me,” I said.

“I’ll go first,” Bridget said as she unfolded the letter I handed her.

Bridget,

Where do I begin? How do I say the things I need to say? The things I should have said in 2002. I guess it was because I knew things would change. I would have lost two of the most important people in my life. In my last letter, I told you I knew you would be the one to capture Luke’s heart, but the truth is that you captured it a long time ago. The first time I realized you had his heart was that night in PCB when you got us kicked out of Spinnaker. But it wasn’t until later that I realized he had yours. It was the night that Kenzie was conceived. I knew. I’m sure by now that you know that I was there that night. I really thought I could make Luke happy until that night, but I still wasn’t ready to give up on him or our friendship. I guess that’s why I held this secret in for so long. The second you told me you were pregnant I knew that child would be Luke’s. There was something in her that reminded me of Luke from her first seconds of life.  It was about a week after Kenzie was born that I actually let myself believe it. I kept the identity of Kenzie’s true father from you. Even though you probably would have thought I was crazy had I told you. As I watched Kenzie grow, it done nothing but reinforced my belief that she was Luke’s child. When they would sit next to each other I would see the little things that they did just the same. She looked like Luke. I know I’m not the first person to say that, LeClaire has told you that too. I remember her saying that Kenzie looked exactly like Luke when he was a baby the first time she met her. No one ever thought that you and Luke actually had made her together. Had I not pretty much witnessed it first hand, I wouldn’t have believed it either.

There were so many times over the years that I could have told you that I came up to see Luke that night and saw Michael kick you and Luke out of his car. You couldn’t keep your hands off of each other. I still can see it in my mind like it was yesterday. Luke never touched me like he did you that night. I can only imagine how it is now that you are actually together. It was so clear to the four or five people that were in the parking lot that night that we witnessed true love. I have no clue who the other people were, but probably what made me want to confront you was them. Evidently they watched around the apartment complex on a regular basis and had never saw Luke bring a girl home. The comment that got me was ‘He’s gonna fuck her good.’ That just sat a fire under me. All I could think was ‘that’s supposed to be my best friend.’ I stormed off to Luke’s apartment and when I knocked on the door Michael answered. As much as I tried to push my way in he wouldn’t let me. He knew I saw by my reaction. He told me how drunk you were and talked me out of confronting you. We sat on the steps for hours it seemed. I remember Michael telling me that going in there and confronting you would cause more pain than good. He was right. It would have killed our friendship and any future chances I had with Luke. I eventually got back in my car and drove back to Statesboro.

I’m sorry that I kept this from you. I realize here and now that was a mistake. I should have gave up my happiness for yours. You have bent over backwards for me and I have done nothing but deceive you. I introduced you to the love of your life, but I was too selfish to allow the two of you to be happy together. But he was the love of my life too, even if I wasn’t the love of his. I asked you to stand by my side while I married the love of your life. I stood there and watched Luke stutter through his vows knowing his heart belonged to you. He was staring over my shoulder then entire time, looking at you. There were so many times I considered stopping him and just calling everything off right there at the altar. Everyone said it was so sweet how emotional Luke was, but I’m not dumb. I knew it was because by saying those vows to me, he was giving up on you. I took away so many happy years from both of you. For that I apologize.