Starting Over

Chapter 1- How It All Began

         I walked into my home for the first time in four weeks to complete and utter silence. I had spent the last month sleeping in a chair next to Caroline’s bedside at Vanderbilt Medical Center being tended to by her best friend, Bridget, her family, and mine. I hadn’t shaved in a month and looked undoubtedly rough around the edges. Probably a little scary too. Bridget had Bo and Tate, as well as her own daughter, Kenzie, so I could cope with Caroline’s death alone for one night; even though, everyone thought I shouldn’t be alone. I walked up the stairs to our bedroom when I remembered the last time I was there.

“Luke, it’s time. We need to go to the hospital,” Caroline said while lying in our bed.

“Ok. Let me pull the car around to the front door and I’ll be right back,” I responded.

I quickly ran down the stairs and out to Caroline’s car. I pulled it up through the front yard and right up to the front door. Leaving the car running, I ran back into the house to help Caroline out to the door.

“Luke! Where are you going?” Caroline asked as I ran right passed her as she sat on the couch.

“You shouldn’t have come down by yourself, Caroline. You know you’ve been too weak to be moving around too much by yourself.”

Caroline just looked at me, knowing her future was grim, and tried to force a smile across her face while staring at me.

Three months into her pregnancy Caroline was diagnosed with Stage 4 breast cancer. The doctors told her that she could either terminate her pregnancy and go through chemotherapy and radiation treatments or carry to full term and pray that starting chemotherapy after the baby was born would be successful. The doctor told her that there was only a 10% chance that she would even survive childbirth after going without treatment for six months and if she did; her prognosis wouldn’t be promising  after she gave birth, chemo or not. Either way, both Caroline and I knew that our children would grow up without their mother in their life if we continued with the pregnancy. After three weeks of debate, Caroline put her foo down and had decided that she had lived life and wanted to give the same opportunity to her unborn child. There was nothing I could do to change her mind either.

I was suddenly thrown into reality as my phone rang. I didn’t even realize there were tears coming out of my eyes until I looked at my phone to see who was calling. It was Bridget. She must be calling to let Bo tell me goodnight. 

I struggled to gain my composure as I answered, “Hello.”

“Bo wanted to tell you goodnight, but first I wanted to let you know that your mom is going to keep the boys and Kenzie in the morning so I can go with you to make the arrangements for Caroline,” Bridget informed me in her thick country accent.

“No, I can do this by myself,” I exclaimed.

“No Luke, you can’t. You need someone to be there for you. You don’t need to be alone right now. You need to be surrounded by friends and family. Luke, you’re not alone in this. We all loved Caroline. Shit, she was like my sister,” she explained.

“But…” I started.

“No but’s Luke,” Bridget cut me off, “I promised Caroline that I was going to help you raise them boys and that I was going to help you cope too. Dammit Luke, I ain’t ever broke a promise to her before and I sure as hell ain’t gonna start now that she’s gone!!”

Knowing she wasn’t going to let it go I gave in, “Fine. I’m leaving to make the arrangements at 7:30 in the morning.”

“Well, hell. I’ll be over as soon as I get the kids in bed. I sure ain’t getting up at the crack of dawn and driving all the way over there,” Bridget stated before handing over the phone to Bo.