Songs I Wrote

If I Were What You Wanted (Old Song)

Verse 1: Seeing you there. You just say that all that I do needs to be corrected. Just not good enough I guess. Remember that one night? We got in a big fight. No surprise. It was super late and you had to take me to the store. Forced me inside alone. It was very cold. When we got home you were angry and I couldn't say why. You called her just to prove I was wrong. It felt like you turned your back on me. Why must it always be the same? You yell, I cry, and I die a little inside.

Chorus: I want to just walk away. Just not be here, but here is all I know. I have nowhere else to go. Some days aren't so bad. Some days I wish you weren't my dad. Some days I say just four more years. Some days you're on the list of my greatest fears. Some days I think you've changed. Some days I think you've gone insane. I try to wear you down so you can just give up and let me continue to do this on my own. I can tell in your eyes. This is no surprise. I'm just not what he wanted me to be. He can't see what I see. He just doesn't know. Do you want me to be you? Want me to do what you do? I didn't grow up in your day. I just can't live that way. Some days I can't sleep at night without crying and wonder what it'd be like if I were what you wanted.

Verse 2: When I'm slowing losing my mind. You have to make me feel like I'm even more crazy than I am. I can't talk to you about my fear. Doesn't seem like something you'd care to hear. Just need someone to help me. Save me before I drown. Just hope Christmas turns me around. You avoid my eyes because of the shame. The pain in my eyes isn't to blame. I think it's you. You'd never agree. You can't see what it's like to be me. You tell them all to tell me your right. You want to start something. I'm ready for the fight.

Chorus: I want to just walk away. Just not be here, but here is all I know. I have nowhere else to go. Some days aren't so bad. Some days I wish you weren't my dad. Some days I say just four more years. Some days you're on the list of my greatest fears. Some days I think you've changed. Some days I think you've gone insane. I try to wear you down so you can just give up and let me continue to do this on my own. I can tell in your eyes. This is no surprise. I'm just not what he wanted me to be. He can't see what I see. He just doesn't know. Do you want me to be you? Want me to do what you do? I didn't grow up in your day. I just can't live that way. Some days I can't sleep at night without crying and wonder what it'd be like if I were what you wanted.

Verse 3: Never thought you could do it, but you did. You have the power to make me cry on Christmas. Remember that day I hated you? You took everything away from me. All of October I felt like I just wasn't me. I cried tears that I knew you could see. It started with us having fun and singing our favorite song. You pushed me out of my comfort zone. You knew that I'm accident prone. I always fall. You made me cry again in a public place just because I wanted to leave. I remember we only left for the sake of your pride. She stood up. Just a minute of fighting was enough for her to attack you. You let me leave, but then we talked. You wouldn't let me go until you could know what went wrong. I told the truth and what did you do? You ruined me again.

Chorus: I want to just walk away. Just not be here, but here is all I know. I have nowhere else to go. Some days aren't so bad. Some days I wish you weren't my dad. Some days I say just four more years. Some days you're on the list of my greatest fears. Some days I think you've changed. Some days I think you've gone insane. I try to wear you down so you can just give up and let me continue to do this on my own. I can tell in your eyes. This is no surprise. I'm just not what he wanted me to be. He can't see what I see. He just doesn't know. Do you want me to be you? Want me to do what you do? I didn't grow up in your day. I just can't live that way. Some days I can't sleep at night without crying and wonder what it'd be like if I were what you wanted.