She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not (gxg)

Part 7

TW: This part does talk a lot about the topic of death. It might be upsetting and triggering.

I think about Callie a lot.

Losing a sibling is not something that is really at the forefront of any young persons mind. Even when Callie was not doing well with her addiction- it was like part of me knew it could take her life- but I didn't accept that it would happen. She was only 23. She had her whole life ahead of her.

It's very hard for me to grasp the fact that her life was only 23 years. That I will be 23 in May, and I will then be older than my older sister ever was. It's so hard for me to accept that she had such a short life. And that she suffered through much of it.

Callie was always the "wild child" out of the four of us sisters. She had a personality that was larger than life- she could capture the attention of anyone and anything. And she definitely used that to her advantage. But her infectious personality came with a slew of issues. Bipolar disorder, anxiety, an addictive personality, and just an overall dark cloud that hung over her most days. Though most never knew that.

She left behind a son- Cameron. She had Cameron when she was 19. My parents were furious at the time. But now Cameron is being raised by them- so I barely get to see him. It kills me every day that she will never get to see him grow up. And that he already lost his mom at the age of 3.

Callie lived a fast and wild life. And I wish that her fire didn't burn so damn quickly. Because I would've liked to have had her around for a while longer.

I was sitting in my bed the Tuesday morning after I had hung out with Colby. I hadn't seen her again yet- I worked Monday, and she didn't. I was off on this particular Tuesday. I tried to snap myself out of hanging out with Callie by looking at my phone. And that's when I saw I had a text from Dani. We had still been texting a bit.
It said: Hey. How's it going? :)
I thought about texting back that things were fine. But then I remembered- Dani would understand. She had lost a sibling. So, I decided to be honest. I don't usually open up- but I decided to tell her. I hoped she wouldn't think I was weird for sharing.
I texted her back: Honestly- I am having a rough morning. I can't stop thinking about my sister, Callie.
I got a text back a few moments later. It said: I know how hard it is. I don't think you should be alone. I work from home today so I can go on a break- would you want to go for a walk? I can bring coffee.
I was about to text her back saying yes, when I got another text.
It said: I am sorry if that's too forward.
I responded back: That sounds great. Would you want to walk around Tyler Park?
We agreed to walk around Tyler Park at noon- a local park with beautiful trails and rivers. Especially in the Fall time.
I sat in my bed for a moment longer before I got ready, petting Calvin.

Dani lived in a town over from Colby- around a half hour away. I felt bad having her drive up my way, but she didn't mind. I drove to the park and waited for her in the parking lot.

I stood in front of my car, my hands in the pockets of my jean jacket. Eventually, I saw a Tesla pull up, and was slightly surprised to see Dani come out of it, two coffees in hand.

She had on a black jacket, gray joggers, and a white t-shirt. Her highlighted hair was down and straight, and she had her glasses on.

"I didn't know you had a Tesla- how fancy!" I joked as she worked toward me.
She came up to me and gave me a hug. She smelled really nice.
"I make a...decent living with my job." she chuckled, "This car my was my reward to myself." she said, handing me my latte.
"Thank you so much for the coffee."
"Anytime."

We started walking, at first Dani telling me how she decided to get her Tesla.
Then she said, "I know my brother, Mike, is up there in the afterlife somewhere so jealous of me for owning a Tesla."
"Was he really into Tesla's?" I looked at Dani.
"He was. He was a huge car fanatic. I find it sad that he died by one." Dani said.
"How old was he...if you don't mind me asking?" I said to her as we walked in the brisk air.
"He was twenty when he died. He was going into his junior year of college, it was the summer in between."
"That's way too young." was all I could say.
"How old was Callie?"
"Twenty three." I said, "She would've been twenty four in October."
"Also way too young." Dani shook her head, "I'm not going to push you to talk about her too much, if you don't want. So if I ask you a question ever that is too much for you to answer, it's okay."
"I barely ever talk about her. So maybe I should." I said.
"What was she like?" Dani said to me, "Just tell me the first things that come to your mind.
I spotted out a bench, and I said, "Can we sit down? Then I'll talk."
"Of courses."

Dani and I sat next to each other on the wooden bench, facing each other. It felt effortless talking to her. Like I could be myself.
"Fire. That's the first word that comes to mind when I think of Callie." I said.
"Why is that?" Dani asked gently.
"Well...she was just so bright. Her personality, her aura, her mind. She was so fucking smart and didn't realize it. She always thought she was stupid. But she was so infectious to be around. She was also absolutely gorgeous." I said. I then couldn't help but to pull up a picture of her. Something I rarely did.
I pulled up a photo of her, Charlotte, and I. It was a selfie we had taken last winter, the three of us.
"She's the one on the right." I said. I looked at my sister. With her beautiful hazel eyes, long honey blonde hair, and bright smile. If only she knew how beautiful she was.
Dani stared at the photo for a moment. "She is stunning."
"Right." I said, and put my phone down, "She always thought she got less attractive after having my nephew. Which was the opposite of true."
"How old is your nephew?"
"Cameron is now four years old. He is now under guardianship of my parents. His dad wanted nothing to do with him. So my mom and dad are taking care of him. I don't see him much because of that." I sighed.
"Are things rocky with them?"
"Definitely." I said, and realized I didn't want to get into that. It was too heavy. So, I asked Dani, "If it's not too much, what's the first thing that comes to your mind when you think of Mike?"
Dani nodded, seemingly understanding that I didn't want to talk about me anymore. She stared off into the distance for a moment. Then she finally said, "An old soul."
I looked at her, giving her a non verbal sign to continue.
"Mike...sure he was into things that typical guys his age were into. Partying, cars, girls, smoking. But his interests went so past that. He had this calming, assured presence and was so wise beyond his years. He wasn't into social media. He lived for being with his family and sharing moments together. It makes me so happy that he knew how loved he was." Dani said, "It kills me that he never got to have a family of his own. He spoke of that all the time."
I didn't even realize it, until I felt them rolling down my cheeks, but I was crying. Hearing Dani talk about Mike, it was breaking my heart.

"It's good to cry. Sometimes you just have to let it out." Dani said, and she put her arm around me.
Sure, Dani was someone I barely knew. But I felt safe in her presence.
"I'm sorry." I said, wiping my eyes, "I wasn't expecting to cry. I'm sure my mascara is running down my face." I chuckled.
"Think I care?" Dani said with a smile.
"Thank you...for asking me to do this today. Especially on your break." I said.
"Of course. I'm very happy to." Dani said, "I work from home on Tuesdays, Thursday's, and Fridays. So I can kind of build my schedule when I do that."
"Well, I appreciate you taking time out of your busy day to do so."
Dani shook her head with a slight grin, "Colby was kind of confused when I told her we were hanging out."
"I didn't even mention it to her yet. Why was she confused?"
"Probably because she wasn't invited." Dani said, "But when I told her we were discussing losing our siblings she understood."
"Okay. Good. So I won't have to feel like I'm explaining myself to her." I said.
"All you have to explain is that I think this is a start to a great friendship." Dani smiled at me.
I smiled back. "Agreed."