tree climber-- clifford

thirty two

((listen 2 follow you down to the red oak tree))
the funeral
AM
My funeral was six, almost seven months after Michael lost his hearing. And no, I didn't kill myself. surprising, i know.
It's actually really awful how it happened. How I died, I mean. of course, Michael was deaf and we were fighting about how I left him to go to school and to continue my life, mostly without him. he had gotten very good at reading lips. Michael and I were at a restaurant downtown. Michael wanted to take me out to see if our lives could go back to the way we were before. We were fighting outside of the restaurant, on the shoulder of the street. I was ready to get into my car, when Michael had me pause to yell at him again. (I had to face him so he could understand my words) so, I was standing there and (awesomely) some drunk dude decided to hit me with his SUV. it wouldn't have been that bad, (I wouldn't have died) if the dude hadn't snapped my neck under his over-sized black tires. thankfully, I died immediately. it was awful. I looked gross. I won't describe it. You know how you hear that when you die, you go straight to heaven or whatever? well, that's a lie, 'cause when my body was laying there, I woke up, and I didn't know what had happened. when I got up, I saw my body and realized it. I started screaming but no one was acknowledging me. there were people around my dead body, around the SUV, and michael stood behind my car, with his hand covering both his eyes.

so, of course, Michael was going insane. he still is. it's really sad. I love him so much. I can still remember the dream I first had when I met michael. how ironic. in my dream, michael was the one hit by a drunk driver. anyways, Michael has come to my funeral which has some people from our highschool, that want to act like they felt so bad about me dying, even though they've never once talked to me, and Luke came.

yes, luke was the only one that showed up out of the group. I don't know why the others didn't. Luke is with Michael. Michael's eyes are red and his breath smells like alcohol. he's sitting with his mom. Michael looks bad, but handsome somehow. he's wearing ripped and dirty black skinny jeans, and a blue button up. his collar is crooked, and his hair is a bleached white, but it's faded. some of his brown is starting to show. Karen is devastated. She's sat next to my mother, and her boyfriend is next to her on the other side. I didn't even know my mom had a boyfriend.

it was an outside funeral. I hoped that Michael planned it with my mom, but I know he didn't. he had locked himself in his room since I died. my mom had me buried next to my father, but a little ways away. she buried me under the tree that I cried under with Michael.

half way through people speaking about me, (I watched from the tree) Ashton showed up. he stood right next to me, with his shoulder to the tree. his eyes were red and he was only wearing skinny jeans and a t-shirt. He knows I wouldn't mind.

I always knew how I wanted my funeral to go. I wanted people to party and celebrate me. my mother knew this, but she had to have it her way.

so I stood there with Ashton. Michael had a piece of paper clutched in his hand, so I knew he had written something. he handed luke the piece of paper, and luke stood up to the podium.

he cleared his voice, wiped his eyes and started. "uhm- my friend michael wrote this, but he can't speak so I'm going to read this. Michael was- is autumn's boyfriend, by the way..."

luke stopped for a second, and started from the beginning. "autumn May was the most beautiful person." Michael started to cry.
"she was the most stunning, intelligent person. she was the light of my life. I never knew that my life could mean so much until I had met her. she drove me crazy, but she made me so happy. i cannot say enough right now to do her life justice. She helped me through, and she made me enjoy being alive. I think everyone loved her. she was so nice, so kind. she loved almost everyone. she loved every creature, it scared me sometimes. one time, there was a spider in the bathtub. I heard her scream, so I ran in to make sure she was okay. she stepped out of her shower to let the spider go outside, even when I was going to just kill it by stepping on it. I took her out, the night she was hit, to propose to her. she wanted to go to a big school, so I took her to a restaurant and i was supposed to ask her to marry me." Michael is sobbing now. I can't help but cry. he wanted to marry me. I would have said yes, too.

"...I don't know how to speak of her to, like I said, give her justice, but I just wanted to tell everyone that I appreciated her so much, and she will be missed. I miss her so much."
luke wiped his eyes and sat back down next to michael. luke looked at him. Michael just shook his head and mouthed I miss her and looked at the floor, crying.

--
I miss zayn