tree climber-- clifford

XVI {sixteen}

Song for this chapter is Cruel World- by Lana del Rey ..

"take a bottle of anything hard, and just fucking forget."

AM

After Michael had left me that morning on the couch, I felt defeated. I felt useless, unwanted and pathetic. I shouldn't let a boy run my life, but I do. I hate myself so much for that, too. Michael shouldn't have done this to me, but he did. Again, I can't stand it. He had left me there, knowing I was a huge fuck up, knowing that I hated myself for all of this already, but he did it anyway. That pisses me off. He talks about fucking jillian, that bitch. I mean, he says, "Autumn May, I just want you to be mine!" And then, "I fuck Jillian ha ha ha." So, yes. Ha ha ha, at me. I'm a dumb person! I knew it before, and I know it way better now. Calum had text me, which I didn't know what to make of it, really.

From: :cal -- Michael is home ?? mad. throwing things. what the hell happened ?!

To: :cal -- idek. maybe we broke up (?) but he claims we were never together ?

I sigh and set my phone down. It's been a half hour or so since Michael's left, and I've done nothing but eat and feel sorry for myself.

From: :cal -- he's like crying but not. this shit is weird, what happened srsly

to: :cal -- not ur business but I'll call u anyways

I call Calum as I plop myself down in a chair that sits under the shade of the front porch.

"Autumn." here's a clashing noise in the background, followed by multiple male shouts.

"Hi cal."

"What the fuck happened? He's going crazy!"

"We fought, the night before, so I kicked him out. He came back this morning and he told me he couldn't really be with me anymore I guess. I said fine, and he said fine. Then he left."

"Oh, that makes sense."

"Yeah. I asked him If we were in a relationship and he told me that he can't give me that. Just because I need the truth. No fog."

I hear Calum sigh from the other end, I hear voices in the background now. It's quieter than it was. "I'm sorry, autumn. I wish you would've listened to me when I told you how he is. I mean, he really likes you. He does- it's just that he's so obnoxious, and reckless... He doesn't think about anything, or any one. Just his next fuck, and who's getting him weed."

I let a tear fall. "Is he sleeping around? After he told me we were together?" I ask.

"I'm not sure."

I tell Calum thanks, (why? I don't know.) and I bid him goodbye. I let myself cry some more. Michael had never used the term girlfriend, had he? Either way, he made it seem as though we were really together, and only each other's. I guess not, because he's still fucking sweet, lovely, Jillian. I walk back into the house and make myself a real lunch. I don't need to be gaining too much wait from freaking Michael. After a while of watching Netflix, I get a text from Calum.

From: :cal -- mikes drinking. hes worse than before when u called. Ash and Luke tried to help, but had to leave Bc of him. I'm w/ him at his house, please come.

I change into a pair of jeans and a hoodie, before answering to this new information. I don't want to think about what Michael has done, but I can't help it as I drive the few blocks to his house. I speed a bit, even dodge a few children, before pulling my car next to his mailbox. I can hear crashes, even from outside, so I sprint to the door. I go for the door knob, hoping it's unlocked. It is, and I push myself into Michael's home and toward the noise. I listen to another crash and a shout from Calum, and book it upstairs. When I reach the top stairs, I can see Calum. He's standing near Michael's bedroom doorway, shouting things and holding a baseball bat.