"What we have to lose"

69

I rejected every call that I received. At some point I just turned off my phone completely. I stayed in bed all day and wasn't thinking about taking part at the Grand Prix this weekend. I saw numerous names on my phone who called me, but I didn't answer a single one. All I did was lay in bed all day, in the darkness because I didn't feel like turning on the lights.

Around midday I heard a knock on my door. I wasn't going to open it but whoever it was tried to go on my nerves drastically. The constant knocking made me fierce so I stood up and opened the door. "What?" I ask angry. I realize it was no one I expected when I saw two shocked blue eyes looking at me. "Lando, oh no I didn't know, I'm sorry." I said and he smiled at me. "Hey sorry for bothering you I just wanted to see how you are and why you weren't at the track today?" he said and only then I realized that he's here in Monaco because today is already media day. "Yeah I had some.....problems yesterday and today I didn't feel like going." I said. "Oh I'm sorry do you want to come in?" I ask because I felt genuinely sorry. He nodded and I let him in, we both sat down on the couch. "Somehow I expected Daniel to be here." he honestly said and I nodded. "Yeah normally we are in his apartment but, anyways." I started but stopped. "You can tell me if you want." he said and smiled. I looked at him and decided to tell him, everything. I was surprised he listened and even though he was shocked he remained calm. "This is Hard, but I really hope you tell him soon so he understands. I think he feels lost with you acting all different. He deserves an explanation." Lando said calm. "I know but not now." I answered. A knock on the door interrupted our conversation.
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I opened the door to see Daniel. He was about to say something when his eyes wandered behind me into my living room. "Lando?" he said and he didn't seem happy. I thought he was ok with Lando being around? "What's wrong?" I ask. "Oh I see you've had it with me and you didn't want to go to dinner because of him. Was he here all night? What did the two of you do huh? Wait don't tell me I really don't want to know." he said and was furious. "No Daniel nothing happened how do you come up with that, he came here about half an hour ago." I explained but he started laughing. Not his typical laughing though. "You basically scare me to death because you don't answer any calls, from no one and then turn off your phone? And you wonder why I'm curious because he sits on your couch?" he said and before I could say anything, he stormed away.
"What the hell was that?" I ask myself because I couldn't comprehend what happened. Lando walked up to me and pulled me into a hug. "I'm sorry I caused this between you. Shall I leave?" he asks but I shake my head no.
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It was actually nice to be around Lando. He's such a nice guy and we had a lot of fun. After he left I decided to turn my phone back on. 100 calls from 4 people and 20 text messages. Oh shit. I answered all the messages, excusing my behavior and explaining that I didn't feel well. I texted Daniel as well, explained what he saw because I was sure he wouldn't listen to me in person. I went to bed without an answer and couldn't stop thinking about what Daniel said.
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I looked at my phone everyday, Daniel read my message but never answered. It's been a few weeks already and I still live by my own in my apartment. I do attend the grand prixs but asked Christian to have a Hotel room by myself. I thought that it was impossible but I managed to not see Daniel at the race weekends. Or he tried everything to not see me, I don't know. All I know is that I never thought we'd come to this point at some time. I always thought we will be happy always. But I realized soon that this was all my fault. If I would've just explained to Daniel what was going on we wouldn't have this. I tried to act as normal as possible but Max asked multiple times. I know he frequently talked to Daniel as well and he seems to not say anything to him as well. "Whatever this is about, figure it out, this is not good." was something he told me a few days ago. Trust me, soon he'll know. I decided to start the therapy in the summer break which is only 2 weeks away. I'm so scared and I want to be back to normal with Daniel before starting it.
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