"What we have to lose"

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Since the qualifying went so well yesterday, I was looking forward to the race today. I was nervous all morning, I'm usually sitting in my chair in the box being nervous. This is obviously so different right now. I feel like I'm there because I feel the same emotions but at the same time I'm far away. All I want is to be back at track for the last race of the year and that's what I'm working hard for. Again my parents were with me, they spend all their time here. Don't get me wrong I'm honored that they do all of this for me but at the same time I feel bad. They should not be worried about me, they should be able to live their own life. I tried to tell them multiple times that it's ok for me if they go back to the Netherlands but they insisted to stay here until someone comes back to take care of me.
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I turned my TV because I found out that I enjoy what the TV shows before the race. Since I knew how much time they need to prepare, I decided to call Max already. "Hello hello Max since I'm not there to wish you good luck I thought I'd call you." I said and he told me that he's so happy that I called. We had a little conversation about the race predictions. "Thank you so much for making it seem like you're actually here." he said. "Always. I answered.
I then opened Daniel's contact and called him right afterwards. "Hello this is Michael from Daniel's phone." I heard over the speaker. "Hi Michael is Daniel around? And could you please give him to me then?" I ask and he told me he looks around for Daniel. "Hi princess." I heard Daniel's familiar voice. "I just wanted to wish you good luck like I usually do when I'm there." I said. "Thank you so much, I'll do my best today to make this race as enjoyable for you as possible." he replied. "Be careful though and ily." I answered. "Ily2." he shortly replied after he had to go.
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The race was about to start because they just started their formation lap. Even though I'm not there personally I'm just as nervous while watching it from here. And added to that, the atmosphere wasn't the best. Yesterday when the formula 2 raced, there was a huge accident which costs one pilots life. I didn't see it and I'm glad about that but I felt the tension. The worst thing is that it was Charles close friend who lost his life yesterday. I can imagine he's not really in the mood to race. They arrive back on their spots and the red lights go on. I was excited and nervous at the same time. It's lights out and away we go.
I followed the start closely and it was a lot of chaos. Carlos wasn't able to race at all due to a power failure. Charles on the other hand had a good start and held his first place. When I thought that the chaos was over, it started again. Raikönen didn't see Max and spun him out in the first corner. I hoped for Max and his car to be ok. It seemed to be ok but due to a suspension damage, Max crashed into the barriers in turn 4. And Max Verstappen is out of the race.
Ok this is bad, really bad. After the crash the safety car was deployed. Now that there was the safety car I hoped there is no further chaos happening. Guess what, there is more drama. I tried to find Daniel when I saw how he got tagged in the rear right hand side by Stroll. Even though Daniel boxed and was able to continue the race, his position was bad.
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As the race continued there was luckily no more drama. In the end Daniel came in 14th place and I knew how mad he was about that. I don't Even need to talk about Max's mood since he didn't even make 2 laps. Charles won the race and I was super happy about that. He seemed to be very proud as well but the death of his friend covered the whole ceremony. I called Charlotte to congratulate Charles and tell him how sorry I am about his loss. After that I dared to call Max. Luckily he pulled it up with humor and was already looking forward to the next race.
I tried to call Daniel but he didn't answer, neither did Michael answer the phone. I was worried but thought he might be at the interviews.
My parents who spend the whole week here will go back home today. Charlotte will be back tomorrow and I told them that I will survive one on my own. Around 6pm I said goodbye to them and they left to the airport. Shortly after that I got my dinner and there was still no sign of Daniel. He hasn't called me back or texted me, at this point im really worried.

Text message from max:
Hi Amilia I think
You should call
Daniel, Michael
Told me he has
Locked himself into
His room and doesn't
Want to talk.

When I read Max text message my heart stopped for a second. Memories of that one night come back to my mind. The bottle throw, Daniel crying. And I know that he needed me back then. And now I'm not there...
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