My Own Fame (Sequel to 'The Trap')

Rochelle's POV Chapter 9

Dear Diary,

I was sleeping very peacefully until my mobile reminded me of my weekly therapy session. It's the most important meeting of my week. So I quickly got online and had my session. During it I told my therapist about everything that happened this last week. She was (so surprised) but really thrilled that I had joined my brother to America. She also was glad that I agreed to have an adventure. It's something that she wanted for me for a long time now. 

My therapist knows everything that I've been through during these last few years. I started my sessions with her when I first moved myself back to my home country. I'm glad that she listens to me and doesn't judge me. She's my voice of reason and has helped me to even get to this point of my life.

There isn't a day that went by that I wasn't thinking about my family. I left because I felt like I was more of a problem than another kid. And it wasn't like they didn't have any other kids to worry about. I wonder if they will ever fully let me back in their lives again. I completely understand if it's a loss clause and if this is just a waste of everyone's time.

I've been thinking about and wondering how and when I would come back here. My plan was to get them to miss me enough to come get me, but I guess they were happy without me. Until recently, I believed that to be true. Dylan says that they never forgot about me and has left my room the exact same as if I've never left. But I'll believe that when I see the actual evidence for myself. I hope he was telling the truth and wasn't just trying to lure me into the plane. 

My therapist reminded me that this was my chance to get my family back into my life. The event that made me come here was supposed to happen and she was hopeful that it would be the answer that I've been searching for. Before every session comes to an end, she reminds me that I'm strong, brave, loved and wanted. Most of the time, it's hard to believe that, but not this time. 

After I got off of the meeting, I went back in this book and reread everything that I had written. I wanted to rip every single page up and start again, but that would not be progress. So from here on out, I'm going to try to be positive and not so blunt. I was born without a filter, but I'll try to not write everything that I feel and think down. 

I'm going to take my chance to get back into my family's lives and I hope that they want into mine as well. 

Suddenly, Dylan was just there with a look of panic written all over his face. He thought that I had left. We actually were able to have a real conversation without him acting like my father and my mouth didn't get into trouble either. 

Tonight, Holly and Lily are coming over. I don't blame them if they yell at me. I would yell at me too if I was in their shoes. I wasn't being the oldest sister that I know I'm capable of being. I know I said that I was jealous of Holly, but the real truth is everyone acts like she's the oldest girl. I was so (angry) when I wrote those entries and it's a good outlet for my thoughts and feelings. My therapist says that I should get a journal and just write out everything that frustrates and irritates me. It's not Holly's fault, but I know it's just easier to blame her than to deal with the real problem. I hope that both Holly and Lily can find it in their hearts to forgive me someday and I hope I can forgive myself for my part in this whole situation too.    

My brother and I spent the afternoon talking about our family and everything that I've missed in my absence. He showed me pictures of everyone and even had videos of them all being themselves. My favourite film that he showed me was of a water balloon fight that they had a few weeks ago. Everyone was just laughing and having fun and I was sad to have missed out on that. My favourite part was when I saw Dylan and Joshua on the roof as they threw a massive water balloon at Dad. He got soaked! I hope to join in with the next one, if they would have me join in. 

I hope I can catch up with my family and hopefully they want that too.