Announcer: Epic Rap Battles of History! Dr Seuss vs William Shakespeare! Begin!
Shakespeare: Come bite my thumb, I hope you know the steaks. I'll put a slug between your shoulder blades. Then ask what light through yonder poser breaks? I hath been iambic on that ass, ye bastard. My rhymes are classic, your crap is drafted by a kindergartner high on acid. Ye hoebag, you're an old white Soulja Boy who has no swag. And no gonads, egads, it's so sad. And to top it off, you're not a doctor, I've never seen a softer author. You crook you, I bet you wrote the Twilight books too!
Cat in the Hat: I would not, could not on a boat read any of the boring ass plays you wrote. Even Horton doesn't wanna hear you. And Cindy Lu Who is afraid to go near you. You bore people to death. You leave a classroom looking like the end of MacBeth. I entertain a child at any age, you gotta translate what you said on the opposite page! How you gonna battle with the Cat in the Hat? Little kids get scared when I step on the mat. Think your ruffle neck ass gonna rap to that? I gotta best selling book about me coming back.
Shakespeare: I'm switching up my style like the Beatles with my pieces, each is such a wonder with a plethora of features. Your pathetically predictable, you think your new book might include a trisyllabic meter and some Ghetto Muppet creatures. The Bard is in the building, it's a castle, I'm a boss, I bet I'm Parliament, I'm positive, I'm killing it, I'm iller than the plague. I never caught or cholera, a baller baller on some cricket bowler business while you're sitting on the bleachers.
Cat in the Hat: You rap fast, you do. Yes, you rap fast, it's true. Now, let's see how you rap vs Things 1 and 2!
Things 1-2: Oh, we smash your globe. Yo, you may have wrote the script but now, we running the show. You can take your fancy words and send them back home to your mamma. We'll break our foot off in your ass, with our feetie pajamas. Man, we'll cook you up and eat you with some ham and green eggs, break offa your legs. That's no mistake, we in a rage. All does not end well when we bust out our cage. You getting upstaged, Bill. Yo, you just got played.
Announcer: Who won!? Who's next!? You Decide! Epic Rap Battles of History!
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ERBoH Lyrics
Historische RomaneCredit: Lloyd Ahlquist aka EPICLloyd, Peter Shukoff aka NicePeter, Zach Sherwin, Atul Singh, Matthew Schlissel, Shaun Lewin, Brittany White, Ashlyn McIntyre, Morgan Christensen, Sulai Lopez, Jon Na, Jose "Choco" Reynoso, Josh Best, Ryan Moulton, Jav...
