ERBoH Lyrics

Rasputin vs. Stalin

Announcer: Epic Rap Battles of History! Rasputin vs Stalin! Begin!

Rasputin: Cool mustache, Wario. Try messin' with the mad monk, you'll be sorry, yo. How many dictators does it take to turn an empire into a union of ruinous states? It's a disgrace what you did to your own people. Your daddy beat you like a dog and now you're evil. You're from Georgia, sweet Georgia. And the history books unfold ya. As a messed up mother fucka bent in the mind, who built a superpower but he paid the price. With the endless destruction of Russian lives If you're a man of steel, I spit kryptonite. Big dick, mystic, known to hypnotize. I could end you with a whisper to your wife.

Joseph Stalin: Look into my eyes, you perverted witch! See the soul of a man who made Mother Russia his bitch. You think I give a fuck about my wife? My own son got locked up in prison, and I didn't save his life! You got off easy when they pickled that moose cock. I'd leave your neck in a noose, in a trench, and shot! Your whole family? Shot! All your wizard friends? Shot! Anyone who sold you pierogi? Shot! Starve you for days 'til you waste away. I even crush mother fuckers when I'm laid in state. Pride of Lenin took Trotsky out of the picture. Drop the hammer on you harder than I bitch slapped Hitler.

Vladimir Lenin: I have no pride for you, who ruined everything my revolution was doing to stop the bourgeoisie! I fought the bondage of classes; the proletariat masses have brought me here to spit a thesis against both of your asses. Lemme start with you there, Frankenstein! Looking like something outta of R.L Stine. It's like hip-hop chowder, red over white. 'Cause the Tsar's wife can't do shit tonight. And Joseph, you were supposed to be my right hand man. 'Til your loyalty shriveled up like your right hand, man! Our whole future was bright, you let your heart grow dark. And stopped the greatest revolution since the birth of Marx!

Mikhail Gorbachev: Knock, knock, knock, knock. Did somebody say birthmarks? Yo, I'm the host with the most Glasnost. Assholes made a mess and the war got cold. Shook hands with both Ronalds, Reagan and McDonald's, no doubt! If your name ends with -in, time to get out. I have the balls to let Baryshnikov dance, playa! Tore down that wall like the Kool-Aid man, Oh Yeah! You two need yoga, Дa! You need a shower, Дa! And you all need to learn how to handle real power. 

Vladimir Putin: Did somebody say real power? Дa, you want to mess with me? I spit hot borscht when I'm crushing these beats. Blow it up like a tuba, while I'm ballin' in Cuba. Doing Judo moves and schooling every communist сука. I'm a president in my prime, my enemies don't distract me. The last man to attack me lived a half life, so comrade come at me. You don't know what you're doing, trying to bust a rhyme against a mind like Putin. You'll find that the ex-KGB is the best MC in the ex-CCCP!