ERBoH Lyrics

Adam vs. Eve

Announcer: Epic Rap Battles of History! Adam vs. Eve!! Begin!

Eve: This battles gonna end like every argument does: With you kissing my ass and beggin' me for a rub. I made a map, motherfucker, and I'm reading it too. It gives me specific directions on how to fuck with you. I know that you like to think you're so macho, but you smell like ball sacs and nachos. I work while you and your boyfriend, Steve, drink and play sports in a Fantasy League. You're as sharp as a stick, that I rub on my lips. So go ahead, take a shot, I'm sure that you'll miss. Like the laundry, the toilet, the grocery list: if you'd stop fuckin' up I wouldn't have to get pissed!

Adam: My life was fine until you had to come along and wreck it. Could you please jut shut your face for 10 seconds? You cry about everything, but can't decide what you want. "I'm hungry, I'm fat, I'm cold, I'm hot" You call it complex, but yo: I'd call you a mess. You take 2 hours to cum, three more to get dressed. You got a lotion for this, you got a cream for that. Got any perfume that smells like 'get the fuck off my back'!? When things are good they're great, and it's like I'm dreamin'. Then your junk starts bleeding and you turn to a demon. It ain't summer Eve, don't try to play me like a douche. You want a bite of my fruit? Well, you can swallow the truth!

Eve: Don't even bring up swallow. The first man on earth ain't a tough act to follow. One pump, chump and you're hung like a weasel. Ditch the fig leave, get yourself a pine needle. You want alone time? Have it, it fact: suck your own dick and shave your own back. That apple's the best thing I bit so far, now I see how much of a dick you are!

Adam: I wasn't listening, are you still flappin' those lips? I was just thinking, did I give up a rib for this? Woman, I just don't know what your problem is. All I know is you're acting like a colossal bitch! I'm sorry.

Eve: I'm sorry too. 

Adam: Alright, nice.

Eve: Don't even think about it. 

Adam: Okay, that's fine. We could eat. 

Announcer: Who won!? Who's next!? You decide! Epic Rap Battles of History!