Announcer: Epic Rap Battles of History! Captain Kirk vs Christopher Columbus! Begin!
Columbus: Arrivedenci! I'mma leave before this battle begins! Cause we both know, in the end, which of these Captains gonna win. I'll show you how a real explorer handles a situation. I'll beat you so bad they'll feel it in the Next Generation! So bring it on! I'll whip you like a Klingon! My rhymes will burrow in you ears like the Wrath of Khan! I've got a neck chop for Spock. I'll put my sword through Sulu. Check into a Priceline Hotel and watch your fat ass on Hulu.
Kirk: I'm the Enterprising Captain. James Tiberius Kirk. Representing Riverside, Iowa, planet Earth. I hear you call yourself an explorer, but I'm just not having it. You discovered a new world that was already inhabited. Why don't you boldy go someplace you've never gone before, like India. Or any destination you actually set sail for. You spaghetti eating fuck, how's your spice rack doing? I'll be chilling in my spaceship, have fun canoeing.
Columbus: You know, rapping against you. It's not even fun. It's like somebody set your brains on stun. I am the fabric of history, you are a fictional stain. I'll stick a flag up your ass and claim you for Spain!
Kirk: Mr. Spock. Beam me back to 1492 so I can beat this man like it's my job. We'll see how Isabella likes my Captain's log. It's Kobayashi for you, there's no way you could win. When your weak crew sees me approaching, they'll be like "Dammit! It's Jim." I'll double fist punch you, you slave making bitch. Now, take your genocidal ass off of my bridge.
Announcer: Who won!? Who's next!? You decide! Epic Rap Battles of History!
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ERBoH Lyrics
Historical FictionCredit: Lloyd Ahlquist aka EPICLloyd, Peter Shukoff aka NicePeter, Zach Sherwin, Atul Singh, Matthew Schlissel, Shaun Lewin, Brittany White, Ashlyn McIntyre, Morgan Christensen, Sulai Lopez, Jon Na, Jose "Choco" Reynoso, Josh Best, Ryan Moulton, Jav...
