ERBoH Lyrics

Barack Obama vs Mitt Romney

Announcer: Epic Rap Battles of History! Mitt Romney vs Barack Obama! Begin!

Romney: I'm not gonna let this battle be dictated by facts! I'm rich, I got fat stacks in Super PACs. We all know what went down in that 2008 election. You're a decent politician with a witting complexion. You're all Barack and no bite. Been no change, but we're all still hoping. That you'll shut your mouth. But like Guantanamo Bay they're both open. You're from the windy city where you're looking pretty with your blowhards but come January, you'll be left evicted and with no job. Raw rhymes stronger than my jaw line when I spit a phrase. Knocking you harder than front doors in my old mission days. You see this silver spoon? This dug mass out of debt. Took four years to drop unemployment down below 8%. You feel that Barry? You're old news, everyone's having doubts. And your rhymes are as weak as this economy that you've done nothing about. Call me a vicious businessman cause Romney's stealing race. I'll go Bain Capital on your donkey ass, restructure your face. 

Obama: They say your father was a great man. You must be what's left. Need to stop hating on gays, let them teach you how to dress. You've got the momma jeans, and a Mister Fantastic Face. So rich and white, it's like I'm running against a cheesecake. Republicans need a puppet and you fit, got their hand so far up your rear, call you Mitt. I'm the head of state, you're like a head of cabbage. 'Bout to get smacked by my stimulus package. You're a bad man with no chance, you can't even touch me. I got four more years, two turns! And a white house, just trust me. I hoped you saved your best rhymes for the second half, cause right now, I'm 47% through kicking your ass. 

Romney:  Whatever, the 40% thing got you real mad. What, did remind you how many decent parents you had?  

Obama: Uh, look. I respect all religion, but it might get crazy. When the White House has a First, Second, and a Third Lady!

Romney: Don't bring up wives, man. What're you doing? You got hitched to the female version of Patrick Ewing!

Obama: Uh, let me be clear. Don't get it twisted. We'll see how pretty your face is after my fist has kissed it. 

Romney: aaahuuuhha. You're a stuttering communist. 

Obama: Oh yeah? Well, you're stupid.

Romney: You're stupid.

Obama: Nuh-uh

(Growling ensues)

Eagle: Caww!!

Lincoln: By the power invested in me by this giant bald bird. The President shall not be the shiniest of two turds. You! I wanna like you, don't talk about change. Just do it. I fought for what was on my brain until a bullet went through it! And you, money bags! You're a pancake, you're flip-floppity. It's a Country, not a company, you can play like Monopoly! I'll properly reach across the isle and bitch-smack you as equals! "Of the people, by the people, for the people" Eagle!

Announcer: Who won!? Who's next!? You decide! Epic(Caw!) Rap Battles of History!