Announcer: Epic Rap Battles of History! Nice Peter vs. Epic Lloyd! Begin!
Lloyd: This is one vid', kid, that you won't ever survive. I'll beat you, dislike you, then unsubscribe. You'll be good at rapping some day, I promise, bro. But for now, just stick to editing that gay ass Monday Show. I'll slaughter your water color unicorns, eat 'em for breakfast. Then leak to YouTube your middle name is Alexis. I can tell you're scared, just from the body language I'm reading. You should start leaving, look, your hairline is already retreating. Nice Peter? Who's that? No one gives two shits. Everyone knows your page is just where the Rap Battles live. Dude, you're really huge on YouTube, you gotta great career. But remember you got famous off of my idea.
Peter: The battles were your idea to start with, that's no lie. But I'm the one who had the brains to let a midget play the bad guys. Look at you, or let me just tell you what I see. You're a short little sidekick, I'll call you mini-me. I drew a mustache on your face and you played a mean Hitler. Take the mustache away, you look more like Bette Milder. You big tooth, chompy face, horse looking prick. You and Bill O'Reilly can both suck my dick!
Lloyd: You're taller than I am, but you look up to me. The guy who got you your first job in comedy.
Peter: I wrote your best verses for you, let you scream on the chorus. You've got as much music talent as Chuck Fucking Norris.
Lloyd: You? A musician? Eh, that's kinda stretching. You wrote eighty-seven songs with the same cord progression.
Peter: You look like a thumb, where'd you even come from? It's like I'm battle rapping a fat version of Gollum.
Lloyd: I'm gonna knock you right outta your little Superman socks. You were nothing before you rode up on KassemG's jock.
Peter: Man, you don't even have to say that kind of shit. Fuck the Rap Battles and you. I quit.
Kassem?
Lloyd: Oh, shit!
Kassem: Not only are you not gonna quit the rap battles, Pete. You're gonna make them bigger, you're gonna make them better. You're gonna put them on their own channel.
Peter: I guess we could make a second season.
Kassem: Yes, exactly! And you, What's your name? I wanna say Todd?
Lloyd: Um, Lloyd.
Kassem: You should start a YouTube channel.
Lloyd: I have one-
Kassem: Great!
Peter: But what am I supposed to put on my channel?
Kassem: How about you make music, Peter? You know, like you used to?
Peter: Okay, ow-
Announcer: Epic Rap Battles of History.
End of season 1 erb
YOU ARE READING
ERBoH Lyrics
Historical FictionCredit: Lloyd Ahlquist aka EPICLloyd, Peter Shukoff aka NicePeter, Zach Sherwin, Atul Singh, Matthew Schlissel, Shaun Lewin, Brittany White, Ashlyn McIntyre, Morgan Christensen, Sulai Lopez, Jon Na, Jose "Choco" Reynoso, Josh Best, Ryan Moulton, Jav...
