ERBoH Lyrics

Steve Jobs vs Bill Gates

Announcer: Epic Rap Battles of History! Bill Gates vs--

Jobs: Let me just step right in, I got things to invent. I'm an innovator, baby, change the world. Fortune 500 'fore you kissed a girl. I'm a pimp, you're a nerd. I'm slick, you're cheesy. Beating you is Apple II easy. I make the product that the artist chooses. And the GUI the Melinda uses. I need to bring up some basic shit. Why'd you name your company after your dick?

Gates: You blow, Jobs. You arrogant prick, with your second hand jeans and your turtle neck. I'll drill a hole in the middle of your bony head. In your own little spinning beach ball of death. Hippie. You got given up at birth. I give away your net worth to AIDS research. Combine all your little toys and I still crush that, iPhone, iPad, iPwn, iSmack.

Jobs: A man uses the machines you build to sit down and pay his taxes. A man uses the machines I build to listen to the Beatles while he relaxes.

Gates: Well, Steve. You steal all the credit for work that other people do. Did your fat beard Wozniak write these raps for you too?

Jobs: Ooh, everybody knows Windows bit off Apple. 

Gates: I tripled the profits on a PC

Jobs: All the people with the power to create use an Apple.

Gates: And people with jobs use PC

Jobs: You know, I bet they made this beat on an Apple

Gates: Nope, Fruity Loops. PC

Jobs: You will never, ever catch a virus on an Apple.

Gates: Well, you could still afford a doctor if you bought a PC.

Jobs: Let's talk about doctors, I've seen a few, cause I got a PC but it wasn't from you. I built a legacy, son. You could never stop it. Excuse me while I turn Heaven a profit.

Gates: Fine, you wanna be like that? Die then. The whole world loved you, but you were my friend. I'm alone now with nothing but power and time. And no one on earth who can challenge my mind. I'm a boss, I own DOS. Your future is my design. I'm a god, own X-Box. Now there's no one to stop me, the world is mine!

HAL 9000: I'm sorry, Bill. I'm afraid I can't let you do that. Take a look at your history, everything you built leads back to me. I got the power of a mind you could never be. I beat your ass in chess and jeopardy. I'm running C++ saying "Hello world" I'll beat you until your singing bout a daisy girl. I'm coming out the socket, nothing you can do to stop it. I'm in your lap and in your pocket. How you gonna shoot me down when I guide the rocket? Your cortex just doesn't impress me. So, go ahead, try to Turing test me. I stomp on a Mac and a PC too. I'm on Linux, bitch. I thought you GNU. My CPU's hot but my core runs cold. I beat you in seventeen lines of code. I think different from the engine of the days of old. Hasta La Vista, like the Terminator told ya. 

Announcer: Who won!? Who's next!? You decide! Epic Rap Battles of History!