ERBoH Lyrics

Blackbeard vs. Al Capone

Announcer: Epic Rap Battles of History! Al Capone vs. Blackbeard! Begin!

Blackbeard: I come strapped with six pistols and a dagger, walk under the black flag with a scallywag swagger. Ain't no parrot on my shoulder and no rings in my ear. I'm an irate pirate, real swashbuckling buccaneer. Beef with me? Please! I'm the high seas Caesar. My cold heart is many degrees beneath the deep freezer. You're an obese greasy sleaze squeezing a diseased peter that no skeezer would touch if she had fifty foot tweezers. Don't start and war with me, you're not hardcore. I'll pimp slap those face scars of yours, port and starboard. You spent time in Alcatraz, I'm sure you were fine if you dropped the soap as little as you drop dope rhymes. 

Al Capone: I'm a busy man, Captain Crunch, I'll make this quick. I'm ruining pirates faster than Johnny Depp did. I had syphilis, yeah, well you're a huge dick with a scurvy ridden ship filled with bilge rat prick. I run an intricate criminal syndicate, so show respect or get that tongue ripped out your neck and shoved right up your poop deck. Slappin' bitch ass teachers since I was fourteen. You ain't a tough guy, my kids dress up as you for Halloween. I'll use that fuse in your hat to light up you and your buddies and burn your sailboat down and collect the insurance money. Then maybe they'll find your bloated body dead and washed up on the beach. This is Capone rapping and I'm capping this Captain, capisce?

Blackbeard: The Valentine Massacre brought you condemnation but I'm gonna sink you faster than your income tax evasion when I toss you overboard like a mob abomination. So prepare to learn the Davy Jones locker combination. Forty cannon on the queen Anne, your gang can't stop it. I'll pilfer all your rum and sell it back at a profit. Cause I'm a criminal legend with a badass name, you're a fat thug with an STD in his brain. 

Al Capone: C'mon, they chopped your head off and they hung it from a rope. The only legend you left was your prohibition on soap. I mean, that rat nest bread's trapped so many crumbs this bum could get marooned and still eat lunch for a month. I'm the emcee assassin, slash like Edward Kenway, Rap so hard they call me Al-dente. Take your little sloop John B and go home. Tell South Carolina Blackbeard got Capwned. 

Announcer: Who won? Who's next? You decide! Epic Rap Battles of History!