ShigaTodo Stories Book 2

🥲Insecurities🥀

bubble_tees

Todoroki stared at the remnants of what used to be his mirror, his different colored eyes cold and filled with resentment. His knuckles were bleeding from tiny cuts caused by punching the mirror just a few minutes prior. It wasn't a lot of blood, but the more his fists remained clenched, the more the red liquid came out. What glass remained on the frame was cracked severely, but most of the shards were now on the floor. The mirror would no longer show Todoroki his full reflection. Good. He hated--no, he despised his reflection with the passion of a million burning suns. 

He hated how he looked like his father on his left side, a man who forced him to become something he didn't want to be. He also hated how he looked like his mother on his right side, the woman who was supposed to love and protect him, but instead allowed the abuse to continue on and she even harmed Shoto herself. He hated his body, for it was made and trained for Enji's own selfish reasons. He also despised the scars on his arms, thighs, and stomach, which Shoto had put there himself. They showed a side of him that he loathed most of all; his weakness. 

Todoroki sighed, "Your so stupid for growing this weak." These words were not his own, for they were repeats of what he had heard all his life from his father. Shoto went over, kneeling down to the ground and began cleaning up all of the broken shards of glass. Some were long, some where short. Some were small, others were large. Some were even duller than others. But still, every piece he picked up managed to cut Todoroki's fingers a little bit at a time. This didn't bother him though, he didn't care that he was getting hurt. He can bandage them up later along with his knuckles. 

Five minutes passed and all the glass was finally cleaned up. Todoroki went over to his bed, taking his first aid kit out of his bedside table. The kit was covered with kawaii stickers that Toga had put on there, possibly while she was raiding Shoto's bedroom and putting little stickers in certain places where they would be found. Todoroki had told himself that he would remove these one day. But he either never got around to it, he began liking the stickers, or the most reasonable; Toga did it so often that he found it useless to remove them. 

Todoroki cleans the cuts on his knuckles and fingers, bandaging them up. It felt a bit strange since the bandages made it harder to move his fingers. He should be used to the feeling by now. Todoroki slipped on a baggy hoodie, laying down on his futon. His eyes closed, breathing becoming calm, body feeling heavy. He was so close to slumber, but was suddenly brought back to reality when knocking arose from the other side of his door. "Damn.." Todoroki grumbled softly, feeling tired, "Come in!"

Shigaraki came into the room, already speaking, "Hey, Dabi left a few hours ago but won't answer any of my texts. Has he texted or called you at al-" Cutting himself off upon seeing the remains of what used to be a mirror. Shigaraki looked to Todoroki, and he saw the bandages, which quickly sent him into a major panic. The older male raced over to the bed, his brain already throwing conclusions at him as he rolled up Todoroki's sleeves, checking for any new scars. 
"It's not what your thinking, Tomura," Todoroki said as Shigaraki lifted the rim of his hoodie up to check his boyfriend's stomach, "My knuckles got hurt by accident." This was the truth, Todoroki really didn't mean for himself to get hurt, even though he knew it was inevitable. Todoroki hadn't touched a blade with intentions of harming himself in over a year. 

"How did they get hurt by accident?? What happened??" Shigaraki questioned, not believing that this wasn't on purpose.
Todoroki pointed over to the mirror, "I punched the mirror. The glass sliced the skin on my knuckles and fingers." 
"Why did you punch your mirror?" 
Todoroki's eyes shifted, looking at his mirror with hate, "I hate mirrors.." Tomura was only confused for a few more seconds before it clicked inside his head. He remembers about the fact that Shoto barely eats. And it's not because he forgets to eat or anything like that, it's because it hurts him in a way that less noticeable that cuts on the outside. He sometimes goes a few days without much to eat. He doesn't sleep properly either, sometimes also going days without sleeping. Todoroki hurts himself because he hates his body.

Tomura carefully held Shoto's right hand, both as to not touch him with all five fingers and to be gentle around his bandages. "You know I care about you, right?" The cornflower blue haired male asked, staring down at the bandages, which had tiny spots of blood on them. Todoroki nodded, humming a yes instead of voicing it. "I care about you a whole lot. Frankly, I care about you more than anyone else in the entire world. But I know that you don't care about yourself the same way I do. It's the reason why your so careless with your life and safety. Your constantly hurting yourself, even if you don't really mean to. It's habit by this point." 

Tomura looked into Shoto's eyes, his own were red pools of sadness, "You have to realize that when you get hurt, it makes me upset. Really upset. So whenever you hurt yourself, be it accidental or intentional, it hurts me. It makes me feel like you don't care about your life enough to make sure you stay alive. You know that i'm always constantly worried about you dying, so it confuses me as to why you do these things." Shoto hung his head, guilt growing and scratching away at him like an angry feline. "I'm not ranting to get you down, but you've got to understand how it's affecting me. And imagine how it's affecting the others. Twice and Toga love you so much, your like a little brother to them. You and Spinner are best friends, and your probably the only friend besides us that he's ever had. Mr. Compress enjoys playing magic tricks with you, Kurogiri finds your conversations intriguing yet light-hearted. Even Dabi cares about you! He just shows it in his own asshole way." 

Todoroki listened, and he could feel the warm tears leak out of his eyes. "Do you understand what i'm getting at?" Shigaraki asked, his head tilting to try and find Todoroki's gaze.
Nodding quickly once again, Todoroki hugged tightly onto his boyfriend, "I'm sorry, Tomura. I really am. I promise i'll do better, I swear it!"
Tomura returned the embrace, smiling softly, "Thank you."