The Things I Leave Unsaid

73. Afraid of Being Permanent

I'm afraid of being permanent,

So instead I ride the waves.

Never going all that far

But I'm comfortable this way.

Afraid of being good enough

Just in time to fail.

Afraid of going nowhere

'fore I don't think I'll prevail.

Afraid of love and intimacy,

That's me. No doubt of that.

Fearful of this game, don't think

I could ever step up to bat.

Their eyes, their eyes,

Their prying eyes,

Stay away from me!

You'll never find out who I am

But neither will I, you see.

I'm scared, I run.

I'm worried; I dart.

I'm angry, so I just shut down

And promptly fall apart.

I'm fearful, so I smile

And pretend it's all okay

When inside of my head and heart,

There's always more to say.

I laugh though never heard a word.

You act like you're my friend.

Dysfunction's far from rarity but

too many rules, we bend.

And when I curl into myself,

No one minds the distance.

I was gone for weeks before

They noticed it, for instance.

But I chose this, and set them free,

As I'm so scared of letting them see.

And they got tired of my excuses,

And I got tired of trying to be

Anyone special, Anyone loved,

Because hope is a catastrophe.

And no one knows that

better than me.

Avoid attempts to leave my mark

Fore just like drawings scrawled in pen,

The end result might be remarkable...

But if it's not,

what happens then?

So I got sort of..."held up" for the past two weeks and haven't been able to make a cover(or come up with the right name) for Poetry Book #2. No wifi, therefore no access to photo editing sites, but I'll probably do that sometime in the next few days. Any suggestions for names?

And I know I'm being vague about the two week thing, but I'm not quite ready to talk about anything yet. I probably will end up spilling later on though, I know a few of you seem to worry about me for some reason and don't need your worries on my shoulders now too, if that makes sense. Thanks for reading. As always, it means the world.