The Things I Leave Unsaid

16. Jealousy and Moments Too Late

(**Above is a pic of me just 1 months on T.)

It's hard to look perfection in the eye and have it hit you time and time again that no matter how hard you work out for toned legs and arms, how long you spend perfecting your hair in the morning, or how much money you spend buying the most amazing clothing and shoes and jewelry out there, you will never be able to compare to her.

She is the epitome of perfection. If you look up the definition in the dictionary, a beautiful picture of her will be waiting to give you a wink and an award-winning smile. Not that she has another kind of course.
The perfect body, clear skin and adorable features, perky and little in every way. That's her. The girl you can just tell has never gotten her heart broken, never had to experience the pain of worrying no one will ever want her, not a bad hair day in her life.
Never too harsh or too demanding and always ready to send a smile your way, she knows she's the world.
No wonder he wants her and not me.
What do I have to offer him? Nothing.
I have my brain, my humor, my always listening ears, but it's not enough. It's never enough and it never will be.
Too tall, not skinny enough, pale face and hair that falls in a dark curtain around me, hiding me from her world.
She's the girl who's even too cool for prom queen, doesn't need a majority vote to know she's the best. Fun and nice, hiding anything unpleasant under her sweetness, she walks gracefully and flawlessly.
She fits right into his arms like a puzzle piece. When I saw them slow dancing at the last formal, her head resting gently on his chest and their bodies rocking slowly from side to side, enjoying the moment, I knew I was too late. I should've said something, should've told him. I know I could never do that but I still have those kind of thoughts. I could've done something, but I gave up instead.
It was easier.

If you read this, please know that you shouldn't be like me. If you love someone, go after them. Or one day, you might understand this story/poem a little too well. I wish you all good luck with love. True love is possible but very rare and difficult to find. If you find it, hold onto it and trust it to hold onto you too.

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