Silent Cry

CH30 - Untold

Xander's POV

I am the worst human being and I mean it when I say that. Ever since I heard about Kiel whom she loved all these times, my blood couldn't stop boiling. I absolutely hate it. I doubt that she plans to run away with that man but I still felt insecure, possessive, and obsessed!

I fucking forced myself on her. I fucking raped my wife. Shit! I keep on banging my head above my desk. I deserve all this torment my brain gives me coz I don't have the right brain to start with.

I woke up early that day, or maybe because I didn't fall asleep at all. I felt so jerk albeit I am always a jerk, especially at that moment. What the hell did I just do to this innocent angel?

She fell deep asleep due to exhaustion. Her face was soaked with sweat and her breathing was not calm at all. I slowly caressed her hair out from her face. I got some tissues from the side drawer and smoothly wiped her face, making sure it would not wake her up. Observing her sleep gave me a little serene though I know I don't deserve it. I didn't realize the sun was already rising.

I rose, cleaned the whole room, opened the window for fresh air, prepared her a bath, cooked porridge, and made some bracing tea. I placed the porridge and tea beside her bed so she'll have them after waking up. I don't want to be someone she'll see when she opens her eyes because that would totally destroy her day. Even how much I love to wait for her, I couldn't and went to the company very early.

.

I arrived home before nighttime and Pauline told me that Gabbie has been locked up in her room the whole day. She looked so worried but I never told anyone though I knew the reason why. I just asked them to prepare some dinner with lots of pastry dishes and they quickly complied.

I called my wife after gathering a huge pluck. I had to sound as calm as ever so she won't feel very down.

Not too long when she came with her casual blue dress and tied up hair. She's always gorgeous. I acted normally even though deep inside I was highly anxious at how she'd face me now. Unfortunately, she didn't even take a glance at me. Yet she did when I mentioned her friend.

Her expression after that hint became so perturbed. It was my first time seeing so much trouble in her eyes and it instantly peeved me. I don't want to totally believe that she is still loving him but her reaction says it all.

I ain't the type to play the blind so instead of running away from that seething information, I pushed through it, making her confess. It was not exactly a confession but she never denied it. Dammit! I was out of control and highly strung again that I spat words that must have hurt her so much.

I was out of my mind when I actually believed she would love me because that will never happen. Who would love someone like me? I am sick.

Maybe returning to how we were then would lessen my pain. I am turned monster whenever I'm hurt or angered and I cannot control my actions after. To avoid that, and to prevent me from hurting her, too, it would be better not to hope for anything from this marriage.

Pauline mentioned to me before how bored she is in the house that she'll lose her mind if will pursue. She's not the type to enjoy luxurious offers so I made her do the chores. I think it was effective somehow, Pauline reported to me that she's been happy after a week of cleaning and studying at the same time. Her mind must have found something to think about so she wouldn't get depressed.

It was an indifferent relationship between us. I barely had interaction with her because I barely see her. I pinned my hopes that this will go through because it was safer this way until that vacation happened.